The perfect answer

WITH the matric exams just around the corner, everybody is trying to help . . . from publishing special supplements to old questionnaires. It is clear that there is a major effort under way to help our matrics . . . so here’s my contribution.

A few quick question that might pop up in some exam (and the answers, of course).

Question: In which battle did Napoleon die? Answer: His last battle.

Question: Where was the Declaration of Independence signed? Answer: At the bottom of the page

Question: River Ravi flows in which state? Answer: Liquid.

Question: What is the main reason for divorce? Answer: Marriage.

Question: What is the main reason for failure? Answer: Exams.

Question: What can you never eat for breakfast? Answer: Lunch and dinner.

Question: What looks like half an apple? Answer: The other half.

Question: If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what will it become? Answer: It will simply become wet.

Question: How can a man go eight days without sleeping? Answer: No problem, he sleeps at night.

Question: How can you lift an elephant with one hand? Answer: You will never find an elephant that has only one hand.

Question: If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have? Answer: Very large hands.

Question: If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? Answer: No time at all, the wall is already built.

Question: How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? Answer: Concrete floors are very hard to crack.

One student had the perfect answer to: “Briefly explain what hard water is.” He simply wrote: “Ice”. Well, it’s a cold, hard fact.

In the reply to the request: “Name one of the Romans’ greatest ever achievements”, the answer was thus: “Learning to speak Latin”.

And the challenge to “Use an example to prove Tracey is wrong” in a maths test was answered with the blunt response: “She’s a woman”.

Another seems to generate perfect logic: “Give a reason why people would want to live near power lines.” Answer: “You get your electricity faster”.

And here we have five questions answered by the same student . . . in one test.

Question 1: What has been your greatest accomplishment so far? His Answer: Starting this homework.

Question 2: What hasn’t happened yet that you are looking forward to? What haven’t you done, been, experienced? His Answer: I haven’t started question 3. Looking forward to it.

Question 3: What have you been given to support you on your journey? His Answer: A pencil.

Question 4: What’s new, interesting, or appealing? His Answer: Question 5.

Question 5: What’s old, worn out, or boring? His Answer: Question 4.

. . . what a journey!