Argus –The human race

SUNDAY’S Cape Town Cycle Tour (known affectionately to most entrants simply as “The Argus”) is one of the world’s iconic events, like the Rio Carnival and the Running of the Bulls in Pamplona, Spain.

The Cycle Tour attracts more than 30 000 cyclists every year and is the biggest timed sporting event in the world. People travel from all over the world just to be able to say: “I rode in The Argus.”

I’m not a cyclist (unless the cycle has a motor attached) but it’s always a major event in my life because the route goes right past the front of my house, so I have no choice but to be a front-row spectator. In any case, the street is closed to all other traffic from dawn to midday, so I couldn’t escape even if I wanted to.

It’s a tremendous privilege to wake up to the early-morning sounds of thousands of ultra-fit (and later less-fit) athletes whooshing past. The first indication that the race is under way is the clatter of the helicopter carrying the advance TV cameramen in the early pre-dawn light. The tour takes place along the most scenic route in the world and provides spectacular television viewing.

Those first cyclists are the professionals and there’s a silent efficiency as they flash past my house, heads down and not saying a word. They will cross the finish line long before the majority of entrants have even started their ride.

By the time I have dressed and made my morning coffee and toast, the character of the race has changed and the event has become increasingly noisy. The riders are still serious about beating their previous times, but they are calling to each other and greeting fellow competitors they haven’t seen for a year.

Later, the social riders come past and this is, for me, the fun part of the morning. Old and young, fit and fat, some on state-of-the-art racing machines and some on much-loved old creakers, they come pouring past in an endless, rowdy river of noise.

It’s a great, swirling, joyful parade of humanity and I just never tire of watching this amazing event. For one day, all differences are forgotten and the human race shares in a common pleasure.

It’s an almost overwhelming experience to watch 30 000 people heading happily in the same direction for the sheer pleasure of being part of the great human race.

Many people would pay a lot to watch an event like that. I get a front-row seat. Free! I wouldn’t miss it for all the world. LAST LAUGH The Department of Nature Conservation received a call from a woman who said: “There’s a snake in my kitchen. It’s been in there for two days. I’ve locked the door and I’m afraid to go in there. I haven’t been able to eat for two days. Please send somebody next week to catch it.”

“Why only next week, madam. We could send someone right away.”

“No, next week will be fine. I still want to lose another two kilos.”