TIME with MAMAZALA
Here are some tips for the makoti who will be spending the holidays with her in-laws
Visiting your inlaws for the first time can be very daunting for any new makoti. Sometimes they just don’t know what to expect. Author Phindile Mbonane Ndebele has written a book that is set to help the makotis and equip them for their duties once they get to their in-laws. Her book, Makoti, has recipes women can use to learn how to make traditional meals that will impress any in-laws.
She urges women to equip themselves when heading to the rural areas.
“The trick is to ensure that you have things that will make your life easier.
“I would suggest that women pack anything from linen to spices. This is not to say your in-laws do not have these things or you are looking down on them, but this is to make your stay there comfortable,” she says.
Phindile says some people have skin issues and they need to sleep on certain materials or fabrics, so it is not wrong to pack your own linen, she says.
“As the makoti, you are the one who will be doing the cooking, so it would be wise to pack your own spices for the meals you plan to prepare while there. Some areas are remote and getting to town is not easy or a frequently done thing, so abo makoti can pack their own things.”
According to Phindile, most women are scared of being misjudged.
“The most important thing to take is your confidence. Trust that if you are yourself and you are respectful, then they will like you,” Phindile adds.
Just as some people pray for jobs and money, they should also pray for their relationship with their in-laws, says Puleng March, co-host of 1Magic’s Abasemzini, a show about makotis feuding with their in-laws. “Pray, the Holy Spirit will guide you,” says the founder of Makoti Enkosini.
“This is something very sensitive. Do what will make them happy. If they expect you to wake up at 4am, just do it for the sake of peace and that of your husband. Remember that you are there for only a few days so give it your all and if they still have negative things to say, it will be on them and not you,” she says.
Puleng believes once you win your mother-in-law over, navigating relationships with the other family members will be easier.
“Do research where you can and try to find out what your mother-in-law likes, even if she does not really like you, when you do right by her, you will touch a spot in her heart. If the relationship with Mamazala is good, then the relationships with everyone else will fall into place.
“It is important to prepare yourself mentally. Start your prep even before you go there. Sometimes ask her things you already know and tell her you want to learn how she does things, also give her treats and give her experiences that are new to her,” Puleng says. ●