DRUM - - Advice -

“Most peo­ple tend to ex­press their needs in­di­rectly or in a way that blames the other – you never buy me flow­ers, for ex­am­ple,” says Larissa. “Oth­ers ex­pect their part­ners to know what they want – this is usu­ally ex­pressed as ‘if he loves me he should know what I like/want’.”

If you want your needs ful­filled, you need to ex­press them clearly, she says. An ef­fec­tive ex­pres­sion of a need has three com­po­nents: what you want, why it’s im­por­tant to you, and how you’ll feel if it’s ful­filled.

“For ex­am­ple, ‘I would ap­pre­ci­ate it if you would make din­ner one evening a week. I feel over­whelmed with all the house­hold chores and it would give me a chance to sort out the wash­ing a bit ear­lier.’”


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