DRUM - - Advice -

Need ad­vice? E-mail sis­[email protected] or SMS the key­words SIS DOLLY fol­lowed by your ques­tion and name to 36489. Each SMS (160 char­ac­ters) costs R1.


I’m a sex worker but I want to stop this busi­ness as I’m look­ing for some peace in my life. Can you help me? LR, SMS

com­mend­able that you’ve re­alised you need change in your life and have worked out what you need to do to make that change.

There are half­way houses for women who want or need to change their lives and you can get in con­tact with them through Lovelife on 011-523-1000 or by email­ing [email protected]

I wish you the best.


I’m 27 and have two baby girls – or that’s what I thought. My girl­friend of seven years and I broke up just af­ter my first daugh­ter was born and I be­came se­ri­ous with another girl, who then also be­came preg­nant.

This sec­ond girl of­fered to help my sis­ter find a boyfriend and hooked her up with some­one she knew back in high school. One day af­ter they had a fight, this guy de­cided to come clean and con­fessed to my sis­ter that my girl­friend was ac­tu­ally his ex-girl­friend and that they’d still been sleep­ing to­gether when she was sleep­ing with me. She only de­cided to end things with him when she got preg­nant. Now I’m won­der­ing who the baby be­longs to.

My sis­ter told our par­ents ev­ery­thing as well, so now my mother wants noth­ing to do with the baby and her mother. This leaves me stuck be­tween my fam­ily and my girl­friend, who in­sists the baby is mine.

I’m scared to do a pa­ter­nity test be­cause ei­ther way the out­come will be bad – if the test is neg­a­tive my fam­ily will know I’m bring­ing up some­one else’s baby, and if it’s pos­i­tive they won’t ac­cept the child any­way. What do I do? LP, EMAIL

seem stuck be­tween a rock and a hard place. Maybe you should start by work­ing out what would make you happy in­stead of think­ing about what other peo­ple will do or say. Would you be able to con­tinue your life with this woman with­out know­ing whether the child is yours? Could you live with­out know­ing for sure?

I sug­gest you or­gan­ise a pa­ter­nity test – for your own san­ity and so you can do the right thing by the child. Your fam­ily should stick by you no mat­ter what de­ci­sion you take.


I seem to at­tract guys with too much bag­gage who turn out to be ob­ses­sive psy­chos. I don’t know what it is about me, but it usu­ally starts off with me feel­ing sorry for a guy. The next thing I know, I’m liv­ing with him – not be­cause I’m happy but be­cause I feel sorry for him.

It’s like I want to show these guys that good peo­ple do ex­ist, but then they be­come my prob­lem. I just want to find a good guy who’s nor­mal. What am I do­ing wrong? WOR­RIED, EMAIL

seem to have a big heart and un­for­tu­nately it’s work­ing against you in your re­la­tion­ships. You mean well, and that should be ap­plauded, but you can’t save the whole world. There comes a time in life when you have to be self­ish and look out for num­ber one – you. For you, that time is now. Widen your so­cial cir­cle and en­gage with dif­fer­ent peo­ple so you meet a wider va­ri­ety of men. Then take time to get to know the per­son and trust your in­stincts.

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