HE’S NOT MAKING A MOVE
QI’m 27 and my husband is 39. I love him but he’s very childish and refuses to communicate with me about our future. After paying lobola for me, we agreed to buy a stand and start building our house. He said buying a house would be way too expensive. But now every time I bring the matter up he says we should wait. I have a permanent job so I don’t see what the problem is but he says there’s no reason to move out of his grandmother’s place.
This is too much for me because one of my goals is to have my own home. His goal was to have a car, and he has one now so he’s happy. Even his mother keeps asking when we’re going to start building and so now we’re constantly arguing. We have three children and I really don’t want us to spend the rest of our lives at his gogo’s house. I’m really frustrated and am even considering doing things on my own. Divorce is the last thing I want but I feel stuck. What should I do? AK, EMAIL
ADifferences in dreams and priorities can cause a lot of conflict in a relationship but it sounds like your husband is being selfish. You’ve supported him in fulfilling his dream and it’s unclear what’s keeping him from doing the same for you. I wonder if he’s running away from the cost of building a house because he’s paying for the car and money is tight.
If you’re in a job where you could get a housing subsidy from the company you work for, maybe he won’t even have to contribute much, so check that out. If that is the case you might find you have to adjust your lifestyle a bit until you get used to your new salary deductions, but it will be worth it in the end.
I also suggest you speak to his mother about his unwillingness to get started on the house as it seems as if she’s supportive of the idea and would be a good ally to have. Don’t give up on him just yet.