QI’m 27 and my hus­band is 39. I love him but he’s very child­ish and re­fuses to com­mu­ni­cate with me about our fu­ture. Af­ter pay­ing lobola for me, we agreed to buy a stand and start build­ing our house. He said buy­ing a house would be way too ex­pen­sive. But now every time I bring the mat­ter up he says we should wait. I have a per­ma­nent job so I don’t see what the prob­lem is but he says there’s no rea­son to move out of his grand­mother’s place.

This is too much for me be­cause one of my goals is to have my own home. His goal was to have a car, and he has one now so he’s happy. Even his mother keeps ask­ing when we’re go­ing to start build­ing and so now we’re con­stantly ar­gu­ing. We have three chil­dren and I re­ally don’t want us to spend the rest of our lives at his gogo’s house. I’m re­ally frus­trated and am even con­sid­er­ing do­ing things on my own. Di­vorce is the last thing I want but I feel stuck. What should I do? AK, EMAIL

ADif­fer­ences in dreams and pri­or­i­ties can cause a lot of con­flict in a re­la­tion­ship but it sounds like your hus­band is be­ing self­ish. You’ve sup­ported him in ful­fill­ing his dream and it’s un­clear what’s keep­ing him from do­ing the same for you. I won­der if he’s run­ning away from the cost of build­ing a house be­cause he’s pay­ing for the car and money is tight.

If you’re in a job where you could get a hous­ing sub­sidy from the com­pany you work for, maybe he won’t even have to con­trib­ute much, so check that out. If that is the case you might find you have to ad­just your lifestyle a bit un­til you get used to your new salary de­duc­tions, but it will be worth it in the end.

I also sug­gest you speak to his mother about his un­will­ing­ness to get started on the house as it seems as if she’s sup­port­ive of the idea and would be a good ally to have. Don’t give up on him just yet.

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