A dig­ni­fied send-off for you and your beloved

Funerals are about cel­e­brat­ing a loved one’s life, not stress­ing about money – let Met­ro­pol­i­tan help you plan for when a help­ing hand is needed most

DRUM - - Advice -

MOURN­ING the pass­ing of a loved one can turn your life up­side down. We all know how hard and over­whelm­ing it can be to lose a fam­ily mem­ber, even more so when it’s un­ex­pected.

A funeral pro­vides a chance to pay trib­ute to the de­ceased in a way that hon­ours the per­son and their mem­ory – but of­ten there are only a few days in which to or­gan­ise the event.

The last thing you need to worry about is how to pay for the funeral. When it comes to the well­be­ing of your fam­ily, it’s im­por­tant to think long term – which means you must plan ahead.

Met­ro­pol­i­tan of­fers that much-needed help­ing hand to plan the dig­ni­fied funeral ev­ery­one de­serves.

And be­cause all fam­i­lies are dif­fer­ent, Met­ro­pol­i­tan’s funeral plan is flex­i­ble so it can be de­signed to cover your fam­ily’s unique needs, bud­get and pref­er­ences.

With its new Life Event En­able­ment Ser­vice, Met­ro­pol­i­tan can help you source sup­pli­ers and im­por­tant items for the funeral – ev­ery­thing from a cof­fin, flow­ers and trans­port to a tomb­stone.

Give your loved ones the good­bye they de­serve with the new per­son­alised Met­ro­pol­i­tan Funeral Plan, cus­tom-made to en­sure your fam­ily won’t have to face a fi­nan­cial bur­den while mourn­ing the death of a loved one.


Ntombi goes to her lo­cal bank and asks to see the man­ager. When she’s ush­ered into his of­fice she says, “I want a loan as I am go­ing to di­vorce my hus­band.”

“Oh, we don’t give loans for di­vorces,” the man­ager in­forms her. “We of­fer loans only for things like real es­tate, ap­pli­ances, cars, busi­nesses, home im­prove­ment . . .”

“Stop right there,” Ntombi in­ter­rupts. “This def­i­nitely falls into the home im­prove­ment cat­e­gory.”


“It’s a guy thing” – there’s no ra­tio­nal thought pat­tern con­nected with it and you have no chance of mak­ing it log­i­cal.

“Uh huh”, “Sure, honey” or “Yes, dear” – these mean ab­so­lutely noth­ing. They’re con­di­tioned re­sponses.

“It would take too long to ex­plain” – I have no idea how it works.

“Take a break, honey, you’re work­ing too hard” – I can’t hear the game over the vac­uum cleaner.

“That’s in­ter­est­ing, dear” – are you still talk­ing?

“It’s a re­ally good movie” – it’s got guns, knives, fast cars and beau­ti­ful women.

“I was think­ing about you and got you these roses” – the girl sell­ing them was hot.

“I can’t find it” – it didn’t fall right into my out­stretched hands so I’m com­pletely clue­less.

“I’m not lost. I know ex­actly where we are” – no one will ever see us alive again.

“We share the house­work” – I make the mess, she cleans it up.


Ques­tion: On which side does a chicken have the most feath­ers? An­swer: The out­side. Ques­tion: What’s a flea’s favourite way to travel? An­swer: Itch-hik­ing. Ques­tion: What lies on the ground, 100 feet in the air? An­swer: A dead shon­gololo. Ques­tion: Why wouldn’t the but­ter­fly go to the dance? An­swer: It was a moth ball. Ques­tion: What do you call a multi-storey pig pen? An­swer: A sty-scraper.

Ques­tion: Why are dogs such bad dancers? An­swer: They have two left feet.

Ques­tion: Do you know the best way to catch a squir­rel? An­swer: Climb a tree and act like a nut.


A lit­tle boy is afraid of the dark. One night his mom tells him to go out to the back stoep and fetch the broom.

The lit­tle boy turns to his mother and says, “Mama, I don’t want to go out there. It’s dark.”

The mother smiles re­as­sur­ingly at her son. “You don’t have to be afraid of the dark,” she ex­plains. “Je­sus is out there. He’ll look after you and pro­tect you.”

The lit­tle boy isn’t en­tirely con­vinced. “Are you sure He’s out there?”

“Yes, I’m sure. He is ev­ery­where, and He’s al­ways ready to help you when you need Him,” she says.

The lit­tle boy thinks about it for a minute then goes to the back door and opens it a crack. Peer­ing out into the dark­ness, he calls, “Je­sus? If you’re out there would you please hand me the broom?”

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