A dignified send-off for you and your beloved
Funerals are about celebrating a loved one’s life, not stressing about money – let Metropolitan help you plan for when a helping hand is needed most
MOURNING the passing of a loved one can turn your life upside down. We all know how hard and overwhelming it can be to lose a family member, even more so when it’s unexpected.
A funeral provides a chance to pay tribute to the deceased in a way that honours the person and their memory – but often there are only a few days in which to organise the event.
The last thing you need to worry about is how to pay for the funeral. When it comes to the wellbeing of your family, it’s important to think long term – which means you must plan ahead.
Metropolitan offers that much-needed helping hand to plan the dignified funeral everyone deserves.
And because all families are different, Metropolitan’s funeral plan is flexible so it can be designed to cover your family’s unique needs, budget and preferences.
With its new Life Event Enablement Service, Metropolitan can help you source suppliers and important items for the funeral – everything from a coffin, flowers and transport to a tombstone.
Give your loved ones the goodbye they deserve with the new personalised Metropolitan Funeral Plan, custom-made to ensure your family won’t have to face a financial burden while mourning the death of a loved one.
Ntombi goes to her local bank and asks to see the manager. When she’s ushered into his office she says, “I want a loan as I am going to divorce my husband.”
“Oh, we don’t give loans for divorces,” the manager informs her. “We offer loans only for things like real estate, appliances, cars, businesses, home improvement . . .”
“Stop right there,” Ntombi interrupts. “This definitely falls into the home improvement category.”
WHAT MEN REALLY MEAN
“It’s a guy thing” – there’s no rational thought pattern connected with it and you have no chance of making it logical.
“Uh huh”, “Sure, honey” or “Yes, dear” – these mean absolutely nothing. They’re conditioned responses.
“It would take too long to explain” – I have no idea how it works.
“Take a break, honey, you’re working too hard” – I can’t hear the game over the vacuum cleaner.
“That’s interesting, dear” – are you still talking?
“It’s a really good movie” – it’s got guns, knives, fast cars and beautiful women.
“I was thinking about you and got you these roses” – the girl selling them was hot.
“I can’t find it” – it didn’t fall right into my outstretched hands so I’m completely clueless.
“I’m not lost. I know exactly where we are” – no one will ever see us alive again.
“We share the housework” – I make the mess, she cleans it up.
Question: On which side does a chicken have the most feathers? Answer: The outside. Question: What’s a flea’s favourite way to travel? Answer: Itch-hiking. Question: What lies on the ground, 100 feet in the air? Answer: A dead shongololo. Question: Why wouldn’t the butterfly go to the dance? Answer: It was a moth ball. Question: What do you call a multi-storey pig pen? Answer: A sty-scraper.
Question: Why are dogs such bad dancers? Answer: They have two left feet.
Question: Do you know the best way to catch a squirrel? Answer: Climb a tree and act like a nut.
MAMA SAID SO
A little boy is afraid of the dark. One night his mom tells him to go out to the back stoep and fetch the broom.
The little boy turns to his mother and says, “Mama, I don’t want to go out there. It’s dark.”
The mother smiles reassuringly at her son. “You don’t have to be afraid of the dark,” she explains. “Jesus is out there. He’ll look after you and protect you.”
The little boy isn’t entirely convinced. “Are you sure He’s out there?”
“Yes, I’m sure. He is everywhere, and He’s always ready to help you when you need Him,” she says.
The little boy thinks about it for a minute then goes to the back door and opens it a crack. Peering out into the darkness, he calls, “Jesus? If you’re out there would you please hand me the broom?”