DRUM - - Advice -

Q I’ve been mar­ried for five years and we can’t do any­thing with­out my mother-in-law be­ing in­volved. This isn’t just about hav­ing a meal to­gether with her, we also have to go on hol­i­day with her. We pay for ev­ery­thing be­cause she has no money, which is fine, but she never says thank you. I’m strug­gling to deal with this sit­u­a­tion more and more but don’t know how to ask my hus­band to find a bal­ance. He nat­u­rally feels re­spon­si­ble for her. IRRITATED, SMS

A The task of break­ing the um­bil­i­cal cord be­tween mother and son is a dif­fi­cult and emo­tional one.

The one thing that has to be re­mem­bered here is such sit­u­a­tions place the son in a dif­fi­cult po­si­tion be­cause of the love he has for both mother and wife. But the mother needs to re­mem­ber that she was a wife to her hus­band and en­joyed her time, so she should be will­ing to give her daugh­ter-in-law the same courtesy.

Your hus­band should be able to draw the line with his mother and set aside time alone for just the two of you. It’s his re­spon­si­bil­ity to talk to his mother and make her un­der­stand she can’t al­ways go along with you on hol­i­day.

I sug­gest you talk to him about it be­fore it gets out of hand and you start feel­ing like a third wheel in your mar­riage. See a coun­sel­lor to­gether if you need help to fig­ure this out.

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