MAN IN THE MID­DLE

DRUM - - Advice -

Ten­sion be­tween your wife or girl­friend and your mom can put strain on your re­la­tion­ship with both of them. Here are some tips on how to deal with it: You can’t fix some­thing you’re ig­nor­ing Men in this sit­u­a­tion some­times try to brush it off or try not draw at­ten­tion to it in the hope things will blow over, clin­i­cal psy­chol­o­gist In­grid Na­gaya says. But this could sim­ply worsen the sit­u­a­tion. “Your mother will feel more en­ti­tled to hav­ing an opin­ion about your partner and your partner will feel you don’t value her as much as you do your mother,” she says. “Ei­ther way you’ll find your­self caught be­tween two women you love and you may end up feel­ing pres­sured into pick­ing one over the other.”

Make your pri­or­i­ties clear This is es­pe­cially im­por­tant if you’re mar­ried or have started a fam­ily of your own, re­la­tion­ship coach Paula Quin­see says. Take own­er­ship of it. “Make it clear to your mother that your partner/ wife/‘new’ fam­ily comes first at this stage of your life. This doesn’t mean you don’t care about her, it's just that she now plays a dif­fer­ent role in your life.”

Try not to take sides “It’s im­por­tant for both your partner and your mom to un­der­stand you won’t be forced to choose one over the other,” Na­gaya says. “Your mother needs to un­der­stand no woman in your life could ever re­place her, but that doesn’t mean she’s al­lowed to in­ter­fere in your re­la­tion­ship or choose your partner. As for your partner, en­cour­age her to get to know your mother be­fore re­act­ing to ev­ery­thing she says.”

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