Tshepo: Tendai, I know you like to keep a sharp eye on your bank balance so I must warn you, there are criminals about. My own wife’s credit cards were recently stolen.
Tendai: That’s terrible! When and how did this happen? What did the police say?
Tshepo: Actually, I’m warning all my friends but I’ve decided against reporting it to the police – it’s criminal, but as it turns out the thieves are spending far less than my wife was!
A GREAT DISCOVERY
Teacher: Bongani, go to the map and find North America. Bongani: Here it is! Teacher: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America? Class: Bongani!
Teacher: What a pair of strange socks you’re wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots. Bongani: Yes, it’s really strange. I’ve got another pair just like it at home.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen. Ugh!”
The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”
The man says: “You go right up there and give him a piece of your mind – go ahead, I’ll hold your pet for you.”
A man calls the doctor and speaks frantically into the phone, “My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!”
“Is this her first child?” the doctor asks.
“No stupid!” the man shouts, “This is her husband!”
A NEW FRIEND
Thandi has just started a job as a school counsellor and is eager to help. During breaktime she notices a girl standing by herself on one side of the school field while the rest of the kids are enjoying a game of soccer at the other. Thandi approaches her and asks if she’s all right but the girl says she’s fine.
Yet a little while later Thandi notices the girl is in the same spot, still by herself. Approaching again, Thandi offers, “Would you like me to be your friend?” The girl hesitates, then says, “Okay,” looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she is making progress, Thandi then asks, “Why are you standing here all alone?” “Because,” the little girl says in exasperation, “I’m the goalie!”
A SNAIL’S PACE
A snail making its way down an alley in Joburg is mugged by a gang of ants. A police detective comes to investigate and asks the snail if he can explain what happened. The snail slowly faces the detective and, with a confused look on his face, replies, “I don’t know, it all happened so fast . . .”
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
I’d kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.