Is it just ban­ter or bul­ly­ing?

Essentials (South Africa) - - YOUR LIFE | Q&A -

QWhen I was a child my fa­ther had a sharp tongue on him. I can’t re­mem­ber him telling me he loved me or show­ing it in any way, but I have plenty of memories of him laugh­ing at and crit­i­cis­ing me. He said it would toughen me and my brother up but it’s had the op­po­site ef­fect. I mar­ried a kind man and we brought our chil­dren up to be kind, but my brother has copied our fa­ther. His wife can stand up to him but she has a hard time pro­tect­ing their son. My brother calls it ban­ter, we call it bul­ly­ing. Can I do any­thing to turn him around?

ABan­ter is a word peo­ple use to dress up some­thing ugly for which they’d have no de­fence if they called it what it was. Sit your brother down and tell him you love him. Then ex­plain to him how much your fa­ther dam­aged you and how you can never love or for­give him for it. Say you un­der­stand how easy it is to follow pat­terns but that he may not be copy­ing the right way. Tell him he has the power to find a new way and sug­gest he con­tact a coun­sel­lor for sup­port.

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