You may have spent your childhood squabbling with them, but your brothers OAnd and sisters have made you who you are.
By ver the years, researchers have studied the various factors that shape our identity: our parents (in particular our mothers), our genes and even our peers. But it’s only in the last 20 years or so that another vastly influential factor has been getting the same kind of scrutiny: our siblings. for good reason. ‘There may be no relationship that affects us more profoundly, that’s closer, finer, harder, sweeter, happier, sadder, more filled with joy or fraught with woe, than the relationship we have with our brothers and sisters,’ says Jeffrey Kluger, author of
No other peer relationship offers as many touchstones: a shared upbringing, shared genes and shared secrets.
‘From the time they are born, our brothers and sisters are our collaborators and co-conspirators, our role models and cautionary tales,’ writes Kluger in ‘The New Science of Siblings’ in ‘They are our scolds, protectors, goads, tormentors, playmates, counsellors, sources of envy, objects of pride. They teach us how to resolve conflicts… how to conduct friendships and when to walk away from them. Sisters teach brothers about the mysteries of girls; brothers teach sisters about the puzzle of boys. Our spouses arrive comparatively late in our lives; our parents eventually leave us. Our siblings may be the only people we’ll ever know who truly qualify as partners for life.’
So what makes the sibling relationship so impactful? Well, for a start, it has to do with the sheer amount of time you spend in each other’s company. According to a Pennsylvania State University study, children typically spend 33% of their time in their siblings’ company by the time they turn 11 – an amount that outweighs time spent with parents, friends and teachers. Even when they reach adolescence and typically start to do their own thing, siblings still spend at least 10 hours a week together. ‘In general, parents serve the same big-picture role as doctors on grand rounds,’ says psychologist Daniel Shaw. Siblings, meanwhile, ‘are like the nurses on the ward. They’re there every day’.