Emily’s story

Fairlady - - PSYCHE -

Emily* de­scribes her first ex­pe­ri­ence of con­stel­la­tion as eye-open­ing. ‘It’s like you lift the mir­ror and peo­ple point out things you’ve never seen be­fore. I gave Tanja a brief over­view of what I wanted to look at, and im­me­di­ately I could see my fam­ily dy­nam­ics play out in ran­dom peo­ple.

‘In the rep­re­sen­ta­tion, “my mother” started to look down, and said she was feel­ing very sad. See­ing that lady stand­ing there look­ing so de­feated was like see­ing my own mother. She’s gone through a lot, and it be­came ob­vi­ous that my mom was feel­ing im­mense grief. My “sis­ter”, mean­while, was turn­ing away from it, obliv­i­ous to the whole thing. That was also spot-on.’

So how does see­ing your fam­ily dy­nam­ics brought to life by strangers help? ‘It helped me to see things I hadn’t seen be­fore,’ says Emily. ‘It’s like go­ing into a house that you’ve been in a mil­lion times, but sud­denly you re­alise there’s a room up­stairs that you’ve never been in. And in­side is a lot of stuff that you didn’t know ex­isted.’

Her fam­ily, says Emily, tends to sweep their is­sues un­der the rug. ‘My grand­par­ents went through World War I and II; my grand­mother lost four sib­lings, all her broth­ers, in the war. That came up in the fam­ily con­stel­la­tion, and I could see my grand­mother’s grief as well. For a rep­re­sen­ta­tive to go through that grief is heal­ing, but also for me to see that is heal­ing. Griev­ing is an im­por­tant part of life, and of­ten it doesn’t hap­pen be­cause we need to keep go­ing. And so we look away.’

Emily be­lieves the ex­pe­ri­ence is pro­found be­cause it tunes into both your emo­tions and your in­tel­lec­tual un­der­stand­ing of your fam­ily. ‘It brings to­gether things that have been dis­con­nected, and helps you make peace with what has hap­pened in the past.’

‘The science of epi­ge­net­ics is start­ing to prove what con­stel­la­tions have been do­ing for years,’ says Tanja, ‘and what a lot of tra­di­tional heal­ers have been say­ing for a long time: we can’t push things un­der the car­pet and pre­tend they don’t ex­ist – be­cause we be­long in a sys­tem. If any­thing hap­pens in one part, ev­ery­thing is af­fected. Even if we don’t know those peo­ple.’

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