During her first constellation, it emerged that Hope* was fulfilling a role in her family that wasn’t hers. ‘My father died when I was 14 and since then I’d felt that I needed to support my mother emotionally. But by doing that, I was filling the parent role and treating my mother as a child.’
‘This is something that children do because they love their parents,’ says Tanja. ‘They try to help, but it takes too much from them. Or they start to feel resentful and angry because they aren’t getting what they need.’
‘I had to decide what to do, and my choice was to step down into my own role,’ says Hope. ‘I am the second sibling; I am a child in that family; my mother is still alive. I need to let her take responsibility – and there was a lot of relief in letting go and letting her do that.
‘I was actually shocked at my arrogance. You do it out of love, but it’s kind of presumptuous. She is Mum. And I should let her take parental responsibility. I let her be the elder in the family. Even with my uncles, there’s a lot more respect. I let them play their roles.’