Touch literacy

FOR COUPLES

Because we might have deeply ingrained conditioning around touch, the best place to begin when learning how to give and receive loving touch with your partner is to become mindful of your own desires, which is the beginning of creating safe boundaries for yourself. When you desire touch, or when your partner wants to touch you, ask yourself the following:

Do I want to be touched right now? If no, then say so, gently but firmly. If the answer is yes, ask yourself how you would like to be touched – gently, sensually, lovingly, roughly, sexually or non-sexually? Be as specific as you can. Perhaps you would simply like to be held, for example, or receive a massage.

Have I communicated to my partner that I would like to be touched, and how? (If not, why not?)

Encourage your partner to answer the same questions for themselves.

FOR SINGLES

Believe it or not, you can give yourself loving touch – though it takes regular practice to begin to reap the rewards. This may be because our brains seem to reduce sensory perception from an area of our skin when we touch it ourselves, reports ScienceDaily.com (which could explain why it’s difficult to tickle yourself).

Intimacy expert Jonti Searll recommends this

meditative exercise: Begin by taking a few slow, deep inhalations and exhaltions. During the process, your thoughts will wander; just focus on your breath to help bring yourself back to being present. Hold your hands up in front of you so that just your fingertips are touching, resting against each other.

Start by slowly and gently moving your fingertips against each other. After a minute so, take a deep breath in, and as you breathe out, let your fingers and palms rest against each other. Feel that feeling, of your hands just resting. This will bring you more into your body, more into the feeling, and the practice will become a meditation.

Then slowly begin to stroke your fingers, your palms, the backs of your hands, your knuckles, your nails and the sides of your fingers.

Next, place your hands on either side of your face, take a breath and gently caress your forehead, your eyes, cheeks, nose, mouth and chin.