EMBRYO ADOPTION: MY SNOWFLAKE BABY
A late-night podcast about snowflake babies gave hope to Angie and Mike Hausner, who were facing a long wait for their second adopted child. Less than a year later, Angie was pregnant.
Angie Hausner on carrying her adopted son to term
t’s the first day of the school holidays and three-year-old Jake is playing dinosaurs in the fort he’s made in the garden with his beloved big sister, Zoe, now six. He stops roaring for a moment; his face lighting up as his dad arrives to join the game. With blue eyes like both his dad and sister, it’s hard to believe he isn’t genetically related to either of them. Nor is he related to Angie, even though she gave birth to him. His parents joke that despite any family resemblance, his white-blonde hair shining in the early spring sunlight is a reminder that he started life as a ‘snowflake’ – an adopted embryo.
Over tea and baby pictures, Angie explains that she gave up on the possibility of falling pregnant three years into their marriage after Mike was diagnosed with non-obstructive azoospermia – the complete and permanent absence of sperm. The couple, who chose not to use a sperm donor, took time to grieve their loss, trying to process what their lives would be like without children. Their long wait was agony for friends and family, who were understandably keen to ‘fix things’. At the time, they could not explain their hesitancy to act. Looking back, they now say they realise they had been waiting for Zoe.
They met her in late 2012, less than a year after making the decision to adopt and
beginning their screening process. Zoe was five days old when they brought her home. For both Mike and Angie, the love they felt for her was instant. Even though adoption came with the tedium of paperwork, assessments and an indeterminate wait for a baby, the couple believe they were destined to raise Zoe and are fervent adoption advocates. So, although they were content with one child, they decided to embark on their second adoption process when Zoe was 15 months old.
It was well into this second adoption that Angie happened to listen to a late-night podcast about embryo adoption. ‘My interest was piqued by the term “adoption” coupled with “snowflake”,’ she says. ‘I was astounded as I listened to story after story of people around the world who had grown their families in this way. I even nudged my sleeping husband awake to tell him about it.
‘A month later, out of the blue, a friend sent me a document about adopting embryos. From having known nothing about embryo adoption, I’d heard about it twice in one month. That felt like a sign to explore more.’
What she and Mike discovered is that although embryo adoption is rare in South Africa, it is possible for those wishing to pursue it. Fertility clinics usually term the process ‘embryo donation’, as these embryos are made available by couples who have undergone in vitro fertilisation (IVF). Couples who have children through IVF sometimes end up with more embryos than they need. The result is that clinics across the world have thousands of cryogenically preserved embryos. Although some families choose to preserve their embryos indefinitely in case they need them, there are options for those who feel that their family is complete. They can allow the surplus embryos to perish or they can donate them to medical science. Alternatively, they can donate the embryos to a known person or back to the clinic, which then matches them to families who desperately want kids.
The United States has adoption agencies that screen and match families, but in South Africa, donated embryos are usually under the care of the fertility clinic, which is responsible for matching and placement. As the Hausner family discovered, most clinics don’t advertise the service as they can’t guarantee that there will be available embryos that are an appropriate match. So although Angie was able to find lots of information about international embryo adoptions, there was little content online about local options. She and Mike sought help from a fertility specialist and were delighted when they were matched with suitable donated embryos.
Even then, the process was challenging. Not all of the embryos thawed and after two failures they were left with one remaining embryo. For Angie, who had done her best to prepare her mind and body, this third transfer was so nail-biting that when the pregnancy test results arrived, she couldn’t open the envelope. But miraculously, she had fallen pregnant on her final attempt. Having thoroughly mourned the loss of ever being able to carry a child, and struggling through years of other people’s baby showers, catching sight of her pregnant bump in a shop mirror was both surreal and wonderful.
Mike explains that although Jake is still too little to understand, both the children know that they are adopted. ‘We speak to them often about their unique stories, and have done so since they were tiny,’ he says. For Zoe, it is particularly special that her little brother, although adopted too, grew in Angie’s womb. ‘She sometimes forgets that she didn’t, too,’ her mom says. But as the firstborn in this busy, happy family, Zoe knows how important she is. She begged her parents to give her another sibling, and wanted the new baby to grow in her mom’s tummy.
Embryo adoption undoubtedly has its benefits. Children born as a result of an embryo transfer are legally classified as biological children, so there is no need for adoption orders or the demanding bureaucracy of name changes at Home Affairs. In addition, adoptive parents of snowflake babies are in control of their child’s health in utero as well as the method of birth. For Angie and Mike, who believe that life begins at conception, it was, above all, the chance to give an embryo an opportunity for life. ‘I love having the possibility of creating a family through adoption, while also experiencing a life forming inside, and feeling the baby grow and kick,’ says Angie.
Children born as a result of an embryo transfer are legally classified as biological children, so there is no need for adoption orders or the demanding bureaucracy of name changes at Home Affairs.
Transferring donated embryos is also much cheaper than full IVF and may cost less than a conventional adoption. Angie had no fertility problems, so she was able to do the embryo transfers with minimal intervention. Mike explains that under South African law, embryos are deemed to be property. However, it is illegal to charge for human tissue, so once embryos are legally transferred from the donating family, the costs incurred are for the embryo transfer and all other services related to the pregnancy.
There are a few negatives, though. Appropriate embryos may not be found, and then there is the risk that they may not thaw or implant. Since embryo donation is not something many couples consider when they undergo IVF, they aren’t always available, and those that are may not be a suitable match for adoptive families. Another Western Cape family who are now pregnant with twins from donated embryos found it particularly difficult to locate the embryos of black women.
Furthermore, while American adoption agencies screen adoptive parents for embryos, there is little screening in South Africa, which may be an additional deterrent for donating families. Given that anonymous donation through clinics is the primary approach to embryo donation, acquiring information can also be problematic. While clinics share information about parental health and a few personal details about the donating family, adoptees may struggle to fill in the gaps when they are old enough to ask identity-based questions about their genetics and placing families. Adoptive families are also reliant on the clinics to make strategic decisions prior to the adoption to avoid the unlikely scenario that children born via embryo adoption may one day inadvertently date a sibling.
Angie, who’d like to see an increase in snowflake baby adoptions, advocates for a more transparent process, including the screening of adoptive parents and, potentially, open embryo adoptions, where placing families are known. She and Mike also recommend more education about the option of embryo donation. ‘Donating families usually know the pain of infertility – for them to help another couple experience the joy of parenthood and family is incredibly selfless; it is an amazing gift,’ Angie says.
‘Love isn’t hereditary. The gift of both conventional and embryo adoption is a parental love that is true and real; it just happens to be gene-free.’