Salome van Diemen (46)

is a lawyer from Pretoria. For the past 16 years, her parents, Theodore and Miemie, have lived with Salome, her husband and their four sons.

‘When my parents lived in Krugersdorp years ago, my mom fell ill, so they decided to move to Pretoria to be closer to us,’ says Salome. ‘While they were looking for a house, they came to stay with us and we got so used to being around one another, they just never left,’ she says with a laugh.

While many might consider it a burden to have their parents live with them, Salome feels it’s a blessing. ‘We were very privileged. We never had to worry about babysitters, and my parents impacted their grandchildren in such a positive way. I think my children are better behaved and more well-rounded young adults because they had their grandparents around too.’

Not that they didn’t butt heads at times. Disciplining her boys was tricky; her mom often intervened on their behalf or stepped in before Salome could. But the biggest challenge arose when her father was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Salome describes it as the roughest period of their 16 years under one roof. ‘He became really aggressive and forgetful, and that caused a lot of distress.’ Her son Tiaan, who had always been close to his grandfather, took it particularly hard.

A neurologist advised Salome to move her dad into a care facility or risk destroying the relationships within the home. He now lives about a kilometre away. ‘It’s so much better for everyone. When we visited him recently, Tiaan said, “Wow, it’s amazing. Oupa is so much better and there’s a glimpse of who he used to be again.”’

Her mom is now 89, and Salome says she feels honoured to be able to give back by looking after her. ‘My husband deserves a medal, because it’s strange to live with your in-laws for so long. But he’s also very grateful; he and my mom are the best of mates today,’ she says.

‘I’d definitely recommend that different generations live together – but everyone has to be selfless, otherwise it won’t work. If everyone gives more than they take, then it will work. But if you expect to only receive, it will be catastrophic. You have to give unconditionally and understand that you’re also receiving unconditionally.’