SURE-FIRE WAYS TO SINK A RELATIONSHIP

• Projecting your insecurities. ‘Sometimes we have an insecurity about the relationship, but actually it’s our own insecurity and there isn’t any real basis for it,’ says Dr Mulder Craig.

• Having destructive conflicts. ‘Often I see couples fight the person, not the problem,’ says Lewin. Once you start blaming, naming and shaming, it becomes a destructive conflict.

• Letting small issues become big problems. We tend to brush off a small unhappiness, thinking it will sort itself out. ‘But we are just letting it fester until it blows up,’ says Dr Mulder Craig. When an issue creeps up, address it. And if it’s too much, seek professional help – the sooner, the better.

• Being too enmeshed as a couple. ‘When you’re too enmeshed, you can easily lose yourself,’ says Dr Mulder Craig. Focus on your personal growth too.

• Being too selfish: ‘It can’t all be about you and your needs, wants, hopes and dreams. It’s a partnership, which requires seeing someone else as equally important. Find the balance between being selfless (too enmeshed) and selfish (self-absorbed) with respect for self AND other,’ says Lewin.‘Society can pressure us to be in a relationship, but not everyone is ready for one.’