WHAT 2020 TAUGHT ME
Like almost everyone else around the world, I had my fair share of unexpected disappointments and challenges last year, the worst of which was the unexpected loss of my handsome, fit, healthy, hardworking brother to a stroke in August. Both my sister and I had already gone through the trauma of retrenchment. I experienced my first month without a salary in July, after consistently working for 38 years. But being unemployed paled in comparison with the sadness that I now felt. The weeks that followed were mostly a blur filled with tears, disbelief and the deepest loss I have ever known.
At my brother’s deathbed we were asked if we would consider organ donation. My sister and I didn’t hesitate to say yes, but it took a while to convince my 88-year-old mother to agree. While she had moments of clarity, she was confused and disorientated. My brother had warned us for months that he thought Mom was suffering from dementia, and he was right. We were forced to accept that, while still physically with us, she was lost to us also.
Sifting through piles of bank statements, contracts, leases and emails in the hope of trying to sort out my brother’s affairs was a nightmare. It took us two weeks to locate his will. Despite his wishes being simple and straightforward, the process could take up to a year to resolve. Having to go through this brought home to me how important it is to have an up-to-date will and, more importantly, that your family know where the document is. Sharing your wishes with regards to organ donation, burial or cremation is vital, and keeping a personal file with all your important documents, PIN numbers and passwords is critical. Your people need to know these things.
Six months down the line, I look back at 2020 with humility and gratitude. Sadly, my sister and I are still unemployed despite having applied for several positions. We both believe we will find work, and will not give up. Friends and family have been unbelievably supportive, for which I am so grateful. My mother is living with me until we can get her into a facility where she can be cared for by professionals.
The year 2020 taught me humility. It taught me that asking for help is okay when things get overwhelming. I learnt that there are many good people out there who are willing to step in and share their skills, knowledge and sometimes even just a hug. I updated my personal documents and got my own stuff in order.
A month ago, we received a letter that gave me new hope. It was a letter of gratitude from the recipient of my brother’s heart. For the first time in two decades he is able to breathe freely. He can feel the thud of my brother’s heart inside his chest. He and his family have a chance at a new beginning. I am grateful that my brother looked after himself so that when his journey was complete, he was able to give someone else the gift of life.
I am hopeful that 2021 will be a year filled with new opportunities and better prospects. Blessings to all who made it through the worst year of my life. Annemarie Gaertner Ed: What a year, Annemarie! I’m so sorry for your sadness. Here’s to a much, much better year ahead. I think the image of your brother’s heart beating strongly in the chest of someone who so needed it is such a symbol of hope and possibility for us all. Thank you for sharing it.