DISORDER It seems the final frontier of women’s liberation lies in our biology

(Short answer: YES, you do)

Forget the glass ceiling; the final frontier of women’s liberation lies in our own biology, says Russian-American psychologist Dr Valerie Rein. She believes that ancestral trauma – specifically, thousands of years of patriarchal oppression – has led to trauma adaptations passed down through generations that still imprison us. She calls it patriarchy stress disorder, and this is how it works.

Chances are you’ve come across this Marianne Williamson quote: ‘Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.’ I used to vacillate between rolling my eyes and scratching my head when I heard it. It sounded profound and meaningful, but also made no sense to me. She didn’t explain why we’d be afraid of ‘being powerful beyond measure’. That sounded pretty great to me. Why would anyone be afraid of it? So I dismissed it.

Until, that is, I encountered the work of Dr Valerie Rein.

And then I understood. I understood how it could be that we – women, specifically – could be terrified of our power. So terrified we hide it almost at any cost… without even realising we’re doing it. Welcome to patriarchy stress disorder, or PSD.

Through her extensive work with women as a psychologist and life coach, Dr Rein has uncovered that most of us go through life with our subconscious signalling ‘unsafe!’ when we choose to pursue wealth, pleasure, power, relaxation, fulfilment and independence. But why would we do that?

Because of patriarchy, Dr Rein says – but not patriarchy as we know it today. While we can all agree there’s still room for improvement (such as addressing genderbased violence, institutionalised discrimination, objectification and the pay gap), women today have the same rights as men in that we can own property, hold down a job, and have our own bank accounts and money. And we can vote. We have gone through some radical liberations in a relatively short time.

The patriarchy that is still oppressing us isn’t in the present, Dr Rein says; it’s in the past. And it’s not outside us; it’s inside us. Confused much?

‘Patriarchy stress disorder – much like post-traumatic stress disorder – develops in response to traumatic experiences by creating trauma adaptations. But unlike PTSD, which develops in response to specific incidents in one’s lifetime, PSD is an adaptive response to the intergenerational collective trauma of oppression of women under patriarchy spanning thousands of years. The trauma adaptations women developed to survive under patriarchy were passed down from generation to generation in our genetic expression,’ Dr Rein says.

‘Patriarchy is still alive and well in women’s nervous systems. The prison of PSD is built over a pit that is the original trauma inflicted on women by patriarchy: the wound of worthlessness. Millennia of oppression have impressed upon us, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that women’s minds and bodies are worth less than men’s are. The pain of this core wound is what we’re trying to escape through many and varied trauma adaptations.’

◗ WHAT ARE TRAUMA ADAPTATIONS?

Dr Rein defines trauma as ‘any experience that made you feel physically or emotionally unsafe in your fullest authentic expression, and led to the development of

trauma adaptations’. Trauma adaptations happen unconsciously and automatically. Becoming aware of them, however, is an essential first step towards resolving PSD.

‘These protective mechanisms are designed to keep us safe, and they do so by building an invisible prison,’ Dr Rein explains. ‘The prison walls are made up of traumatic experiences, and the trauma adaptations are like the prison guards. They operate in our minds, bodies and actions, creating thoughts, emotional responses, physical challenges and self-sabotaging behaviours that block us from moving forward and experiencing what we truly desire.’

An obvious prison guard that might sound familiar is the fear we experience whenever we’re about to do something outside of our comfort zone, such as asking for a promotion, giving a speech or having a confrontation. These are relatively well-understood responses that make sense to our conscious mind, and we may be able to push through them. We often do.

However, there are far more subtle trauma adaptations unique to women that are keeping us ‘safe’ from accumulating wealth, for example (it was only a few decades ago that women weren’t allowed to open a bank account in their own name), or succeeding in our career or business, or having the kind of relationship or sex we truly desire. Heck, simply taking time to relax and enjoy ourselves might trigger danger signals in our body.

On an even deeper level, these prison guards keep us disconnected from our natural intuition, our authentic desires, and our capacity for sensual pleasure. All because these were once dangerous ‘powers’ for women to have. techniques I taught them. And although I didn’t know what trauma I had, I began to use the tools on myself, and everything changed.’

In addition, she noticed that these trauma release techniques created dramatic shifts, even for people with no history of traumatic events. ‘I wondered, could there be some kind of trauma we carry without realising it?’ Asking this question helped her connect the dots: women have been oppressed for thousands of years. Oppression is traumatic. Trauma is genetically transmitted. Enter patriarchy stress disorder. The right diagnosis gave her the right path to healing, and the way she experienced her own life completely transformed.

‘My life now would be unrecognisable, unbelievable to myself on the day I had my “stress stroke”. Now I wake up happy – not numb or stressed or anxious or depressed. I’m in a new, deeply loving relationship where we do this healing work together. My relationship with money is one of ease and flow. The depth of the happiness and fulfilment I feel is not something I ever would have believed was possible for me. I want to give this gift to every woman out there – that is my mission. I want every woman to be a role model for my daughter.’

◗ WHAT DOES PSD LOOK LIKE IN OUR MODERN EXPERIENCE?

Well, apart from the more obvious symptoms of anxiety, stress, panic attacks, and feeling stuck, irritable, disconnected, depressed and unable to relax or switch off… more subtle prison guards include procrastination, forgetfulness, indecision, overeating, drinking too much, self-criticism, overlooking opportunities, constant busyness,

resentment and an inability to speak up. Exhaustion is also a side effect, as so much of our energy is used by our bodies to maintain these adaptive defences, and to override them in order to function in the world. Not to mention a lack of sleep because our bodies are stuck in a state of hypervigilance. This could well account for the rising levels of burnout – numerous studies have found that women are more likely to experience job burnout (as well as anxiety disorders and depression) than men.

‘Consciously, we may feel very confident and competent, and we may not think of the world as dangerous,’ Dr Rein says. ‘However, the trauma imprints in our bodies and minds activate the defence systems regardless of what we consciously believe.’

◗ THE CASE FOR INHERITED TRAUMA

Evidence is mounting that adaptations from a single traumatic event can be passed down through multiple generations.

‘The new science of epigenetics has shown that gene expression can and does change in response to environmental changes and experiences,’ Dr Rein writes in her book, Patriarchy Stress Disorder: The Invisible Barrier to Women’s Success and Happiness.

‘A review of studies on combat soldiers with PTSD showed that their traumatic experiences had resulted in epigenetic changes that could be inherited by their offspring. Another study of women who were pregnant during the Tutsi genocide in Rwanda found that their children had inherited traumainduced epigenetic changes. Other studies found that children of Holocaust survivors had inherited traits associated with the stress response of their parents.’

One of the most compelling studies, conducted by Emory University, involved introducing the smell of cherry blossoms to mice while simultaneously zapping their feet with mild electric shocks. The mice were then bred – and their children and grandchildren showed a strong fear reaction when exposed to the smell of cherry blossoms.

‘For women of today,’ Dr Rein says, ‘happiness, wealth, pleasure, freedom and success are the scent of cherry blossoms. It’s everything we authentically desire – that has been historically prohibited and punishable for women.’

The implications are stunning if you consider how this may play out for a section of the population that is ‘zapped’ repeatedly over many generations – then, in a very short space of time, the ‘zap’ (oppression) is removed. No wonder so many women now are asking themselves, ‘What’s wrong with me?’

◗ WHAT ABOUT MEN?

‘By “patriarchy” I don’t mean men. Patriarchy is a system of inequality and oppression where financial, political and even moral power belongs to men. But the cost of membership for men is considerable. It requires them to fit into a narrow frame of patriarchal masculinity: aggressive, dominating, emotionally disconnected. Patriarchy doesn’t allow space for men’s wholeness

Most of us go through life with our subconscious signalling ‘unsafe!’ when we choose to pursue wealth, pleasure, power, relaxation, fulfilment and independence.

either, or for anyone’s. This system has traumatised people across the gender spectrum, and we all need to heal,’ Dr Rein says.

This insight also has huge implications for people of colour, especially in South Africa, where we’re barely one generation clear of apartheid. Women of colour, in particular, will have inherited more complex ancestral trauma than white women. ‘The wounds at the intersections of racism and patriarchy run deep.’ Thankfully, no matter how traumatic our ancestral history, the same healing tools work across the board.

◗ HOW DO WE BREAK FREE?

The first step is awareness, beginning to see the prison walls and comprehending the scope of how confined we really are. Because that’s how patriarchy lives on inside us, by passing as ‘normal’.

‘Jailbreak only becomes possible when we start to notice how these adaptations show up in our lives, when we understand the function they are serving, and we create the experience of safety necessary for the prison guards to allow – and even support – our safe passage to freedom.’

This means that any healing strategies need to include practices that target the nervous system and bring unconscious material into conscious awareness.

On her website, Dr Rein shares a practice called the Repower Tool, which, with repeated use, can go a long way towards retraining the nervous system and helping one feel safe in any situation, as well as a number of other practices that support one in getting started on the healing journey – and they are deceptively simple.

‘We think healing needs to be difficult or complicated,’ she says, ‘but really it’s about consistency. Our prison guards are very adept at keeping us distracted, forgetful, dismissing what will help us and convincing us that something is “not working”, when it is. That’s their job, to keep us “safe”, to prevent us from touching our trauma. Which is why most of us need help to keep us accountable and take consistent action.’

The best place to start is by exploring your experiences and awareness of possible trauma adaptations. See ‘Jailbreak practices’ (right) for two great practices. If you wish to go deeper, Dr Rein’s organisation offers programmes and tools (some free of charge) that help to create the safety necessary for healing.

◗ AFRAID NO MORE

The Marianne Williamson quote makes complete sense to me now. It makes sense that we would be afraid of our ‘light’. And it also makes me wonder: what kind of world would it be if women were no longer held back by inner barriers? No longer afraid of being powerfully, authentically, confidently themselves, and owning their desires? I’d like to live there. ❖

We think healing needs to be difficult or complicated, but really it’s about consistency.