WHAT TO DO when you’re sad

Many of Helen Russell’s go-to strategies are ones we’ve heard over and over again, so let’s just do a quick rundown of the usual suspects, which are: exercise (that one is never not on the list, but you don’t need to run off and join a Crossfit cult – just 20 minutes a day reduces your risk of depression by 30%), doing things for others, going outside, staring up at a tree, spending time near bodies of water, breathing in some brisk sea air or going for a dip in chilly water (here’s looking at you, Wim Hof), eating healthily, getting some rest, or talking it out with a professional. Nothing you haven’t heard a million times. But there are a few other bits of advice that were a bit more unorthodox, so let’s take a closer look at those…

1 The buddy system

Whenever ‘Shit FM’ has been playing in her head for too long (this is what she calls the ‘unhelpful radio station’ in her mind that tells her ‘everything is rubbish’), Helen phones a friend to meet face-to-face for a coffee and a chat. So far, so obvious. But here’s the key bit. ‘When she talks, I listen. When I talk, she listens. Neither of us tries to “fix” the other. We just work out how we’re feeling by talking about it, out loud, to trusted ears. After which we both feel lighter.’ The main thing, according to psychologist Julia Samuel, is that you’re ‘talking to someone who doesn’t interrupt’, and so, ‘in annunciating the words, the feelings emerge’.

2 Culture vitamins

Time to compile a crying soundtrack – and we don’t mean ‘Everybody Hurts’, although that would probably also work. It should be Mozart, preferably, as classical music has proven psychological benefits. But in reality, any sad music is soothing, and produces a heightened emotional effect. Mikael Odder Nielsen, manager of Denmark’s ‘culture vitamin’ programme (yes, that’s a real thing) reckons the playlist should be ‘a bit boring’. He recommends Jack Johnson – sorry, JJ – ‘the audio version of a mindfulness colouring book’, in Helen’s expert opinion.

Nielsen’s programme also involves trips to museums and art galleries (Helen speaks fondly of having a good snot-cry in the National Gallery), as well as ‘shared reading’, which sounds like story time at the library because that’s exactly what it is. If you don’t have a kindly librarian to read to you in a dimly lit room, try an audiobook. ‘It’s like being gently taken by the hand and taken on an adventure,’ says Helen.

The Stoic philosopher Seneca recommended reading poetry, gazing at green objects and playing the lyre, but you could also just spend an afternoon dabbling in watercolours – making art also made the list of soothing sadness rituals.

3 Read a book

More specifically, a novel, says Danish psychologist and philosopher Svend Brinkmann. Reading is a proven way to boost empathy levels and help us to connect; it helps us ‘grapple with moral conundrums’ and it makes us re-evaluate our own opinions and behaviours.

Non-fiction does not count, in case you were wondering. According to Brinkmann, it presents a hero narrative and ‘can only make you feel inadequate’. So step away from the biographies.

4 Tweak the temperature

There is a lot of talk about seasonal depressive disorder (SAD) and how cold, rainy weather can make you feel miserable, but in actual fact, we don’t like the hot and sticky end of the spectrum either. Professor Trevor Harley, a psychometeorologist and the author of The Psychology of Weather, says ‘we have evolved to cope with an optimal temperature of around 21°C, so anything too hot or too cold will have an effect on how we’re feeling’. A study published in Nature Human Behaviour found that 22°C was the ideal temperature that makes most of us ‘more agreeable, emotionally stable and open to new experiences’. However, any woman who has ever had an air-conditioned office job (and an ‘office cardigan’ permanently slung over the back of her desk chair) would know that this research is geared towards the male body; women have a different metabolic rate and typically prefer it to be 3°C warmer.

Sunshine makes us nicer, snow makes us happy, and wind is generally disliked, but so is humidity. And, believe it or not, there is such a thing as reverse SAD – 10% of people with SAD feel sad when it’s too warm and sunny out.

5 Walk it off

‘I have walked myself into my best thoughts, and I know of no thought so burdensome that one cannot walk away from it.’ This theory from Kierkegaard (him again) seems simplistic, but a Stanford University study backs it up: walking was found to help with creative thinking. Friedrich Nietzsche, Charles Darwin and William Wordsworth were obsessive walkers. At the very least, says Helen, it’s ‘reassuringly undaunting when we’re feeling low’, and a ‘problem-solving activity’ that goes hand-in-hand with sadness as a problem-solving emotion. ❖