With just over a month to go to Christmas, I’m faced with my annual quandary: what present to buy for my wife. Last year, neighbour Jan and I teamed up and scoured the local mall. After the awkwardness of being mistaken for an ‘item’, we had to experience the humiliation of a shop assistant offering to show us flimsy underwear. I vowed I’d go it alone this Christmas.
Trolling the mall for inspiration, I had a sudden idea. I’d get Wifey Dear a puppy!
I immediately headed for our vet to enquire if they knew of a breeder. They did, and his Jack Russell bitch had just had puppies. I went straight there, and it was love at first sight! An adorable pup, white with brown markings, caught my eye. It was a male; the females had been taken. I knew Wifey Dear preferred females but I was sure she’d be delighted with this one. I couldn’t contain myself from
telling her the news, but I wasn’t prepared for her response.
“A male? No way!” she said. “And a pup to pee and poo all over the carpets and lift its leg on my garden shrubs. Anyway, my matronly Vicky is too old to put up with a pup. She’d be jealous, and end up biting it. Shouldn’t we rather get a big watchdog, with teeth, to protect us?”
Farm attacks were still in the news, and Wifey Dear had never forgotten our Dobermann rescue dog from our time in Johannesburg. We had never felt safer from intruders.
Back to town I drove the next day, this time to the SPCA to look for a fearsome rescue dog. No luck. Then inspiration kicked in: the Internet! I found that a Dobermann breeder near us had a mature, spayed bitch for sale. I told neighbour Jan.
“If it kills one of my lambs, I’ll shoot it,”
Jan said grumpily.
Well, what with Wifey Dear and Jan both dictating terms, I’m not making much progress, am I?
Is there a reader out there with a solution to my Christmas shopping dilemma? Please don’t suggest a cat; Vicky hates them! – Derek Christopher • Email Derek Christopher at farmer[email protected]ton.co.za. Subject line: Townie.