Townie

With Christmas just a matter of weeks away, neighbour Jan was in a quandary over what present to buy his wife, Hettie.

“Any ideas, Townie?” he asked over coffee on my stoep. I went through a predictable list of possible gifts such as perfume, jewellery and frilly undergarments, but these were all discarded as unsuitable and boring. When Jan suggested a new vehicle, it took the wind out of my sails completely. He’d obviously done better than I’d thought this year. Hettie’s old jalopy had admittedly seen better days, but knowing Jan, I suspected an ulterior motive.

“I hope you know what cost you’re in for!” I said.

He dismissed my question with a casual wave. So my first suggestion was a baby Merc: prestigious, stylish and mechanically reliable. Hettie would be the envy of her friends. I then proposed a BMW 3-Series, but perhaps that was a bit too yuppie for her?

Not getting closer to an answer, Jan grew impatient; he wanted to start visiting car showrooms immediately. So we headed off to trawl the city dealerships, where sales people tried valiantly to impress Jan with their vehicles’ attributes and their once-in-a- lifetime Christmas offers.

Hettie was not invited. “Her heart rules her head. She’s too easily swayed by looks,” said Jan.

“That’s probably why she married you,” I replied.

Everything we looked at was too technically complex, had too much to go wrong, or was too expensive, Jan complained.

Days later, he arrived, driving Hettie’s new vehicle, and asked to park it in my garage so she couldn’t see it. My jaw dropped; it was a single-cab diesel bakkie.

“I can service it myself, it’s cheap to run, and it’s got a robust suspension,” Jan announced proudly.

Good luck with your new ride, Hettie, if you ever get to drive it! – Derek Christopher • Email Derek Christopher at farmersweekly@caxton.co.za. Subject line: Townie.