Toxic and a tad expensive

The excellent news for Oakbay shareholders from the last reporting period was that coal production was up by 9.58%, which meant revenue soared to a mighty R462.6m for the year.

The great news for its workforce was that it notched up more than 7,134 fatality-free shifts on the Shiva Uranium mine, an admirable effort that all must hope will continue when and if it ever moves from development to doing a spot of real mining.

Apart from those two shining lights, however, it would be hard to portray the year as being a particular triumph for the company.

It must, of course, be difficult to do business when you have a reputation for being about as toxic as one of the more aggressive haemorrhagic fevers, when no reputable bank will touch you with the proverbial ordureencrusted stick, your directorate is running for the hills and your sponsor is kicking you into touch faster than you can say “dodgy as a R9 note”.

Oakbay’s board may now be admirably devoid of Guptas, but you don’t have to live at 221 B Baker Street to work out who’s pulling the strings.

Lonrho’s Tiny Rowland was famously described by then British Prime Minister Edward Heath as the “unpleasant and unacceptable face of capitalism”, but it’s hard not to think that he would be wearing a halo and wings when compared with the antics of this shower.

The company’s ludicrously inflated market cap has come crashing down since 2015, when the share price touched an eyebrow-raising R50. It’s now yours for R5.80 — and still looks on the expensive side of sanity.