NOT QUITE HOLDING THE LINE

J’something’s new restaurant — like the SACP — could use a bit of consistency

My friends in the SACP never fail to confuse me. Last week they emerged from their elective conference and told us they are done with the ANC and will contest elections on their own.

At this point you’d have expected Blade Nzimande and the seven or so other communist ministers in President Jacob Zuma’s cabinet to be packing their bags and telling the Nkandla Crooner that it’s “Hasta la vista, baby!”

But no. They are staying on. They detest the guy — they think he is useless — but they are staying in his cabinet. Okay.

And then they will hold another confab to decide which elections they will contest on their own and which not.

There is a word for this sort of behaviour: spineless.

The communists, bless their red socks, want to draw cabinet salaries and make laws in parliament but they do not want to stand for elections. They prefer to sidle in on the back of the ANC.

The party is not the only entity that is behaving a tad hypocritically. Last week former president Thabo Mbeki was invited to a three-hour talk fest with Jo’burg radio station Power FM. You should have seen who was in the room. There was Julius “I will kill for Zuma” Malema. Sitting not too far from him was Zwelinzima “I will also kill for Zuma” Vavi. Basically, everyone who gave us Zuma was in the room.

After observing all this I needed a pick-me-up. So off I went to Pretoria to sample Something’s Cooking by J’something, one of the eateries in Time Square, the huge new casino and shopping precinct in Menlyn.

J’something (or J) is something of an icon in SA. A hugely popular musician with the group Mi Casa, he is a foodie. Plus, he is one of those South Africans you can’t help but love — smart, optimistic and full of entrepreneurship and progressive views. You want him to succeed.

There are some very good things and some lousy things at J’s place. For an alive, colourful guy like that, what’s he doing with so much grey décor? It’s a bit drab. On the other hand, the view from the restaurant is stupendous, and on a hot afternoon, with drinks in front of you, it is just what you need to recalibrate.

Do try his cocktails. I had the Menlyn Mule, the restaurant’s take on the classic vodka Moscow Mule. Amazing. The classic mojito is also excellent. Service was a bit slow, but when my Mule had a very long hair in it, it was replaced swiftly and apologetically.

The food? I love prawns. Yet, sadly, the oil, garlic and lemon prawns this restaurant had to offer were just subpar.

The joint says this is the one dish one has to try, but it needs to lift its game. The prawns are apparently done the way J’s mother used to do them. Maybe, but not on the day I was there — they were bland and lacked character. Portuguese prawns without character? Please, man!

J also does collaborations, and there are currently three such dishes on the menu. He has collaborated with legendary musician Hugh Masekela to do a “Bra Hugh Burger” and “The Catch”, a matcha and pistachio-crusted fish dish and vegetable paella. The fish was good.

This restaurant is a lovely idea and a great collaboration between a hip young chef/musician and a major casino group. It deserves to succeed and I hope it does. It just needs to spice up that menu. I will go back.

You’d have expected Blade Nzimande to be packing his bags and telling the Nkandla Crooner that it’s ‘Hasta la vista, baby!’

Something’s Cooking by J’something ★★★

Time Square 209 Aramist Avenue Menlyn, Pretoria Tel: (012) 003-6156

★★★★★ Makhosi Khoza ★★★★ Excellent ★★★ Good ★★ Poor ★ Jacob Zuma