GO BIG, OR GO TO DUBAI

While the thought of a Zuma amnesty may make you want to run for the hills, The Big Mouth may give you a reason — or 105 of them — to stay

Is it a serious thing that Jacob “See You In Dubai” Zuma may get some sort of amnesty to go off to some hot clime and sip piña coladas while we clean up his mess? I mean, really?

City Press newspaper reported last weekend that there is talk circulating within the ANC about an amnesty for Zuma. It quoted ANC presidential hopeful Lindiwe Sisulu saying amnesty has always been part of the ANC’S DNA.

“He [Zuma] will be forgiven as long as he tells the truth and is able to commit to working with everybody and to ensuring that we can reverse some of the problems that we are experiencing — and also to ensuring that those people who are so strongly attached to him are back in the fold,” she said.

Oh? So for Sisulu it doesn’t seem to matter that he may have stolen billions from poor South Africans. If it unites the ANC, he should get a free pass. Forget about the Dubai millions. Amazing.

Say Zuma gets a pardon. Then what about Atul Gupta? Or Duduzane Zuma? Or Brian Molefe and Anoj Singh or those nice folks at Trillian Capital? The Premier League, anyone?

There are thousands of thugs with their snouts in the trough. That’s why no one is even writing whingeing letters to the Financial Mail editor about this column. They are too busy chomping away to read this humble journal.

We mustn’t even think about a Zuma amnesty. Our kids will start raiding our wallets. When you ask little Sipho why he’s stealing your cash, he’ll point towards Nkandla and Saxonwold and say: “Crime pays, Papa.”

My lovely wife noticed my sad mien and asked me out on a date. Off we trotted to the theatre and then for a bite at The Big Mouth in Sandton’s Nelson Mandela Square (the centre has its charms if you condition your brain to forget you are in a mall).

The clientele was a mix, from businesspeople to birthday diners to young lovers out on dates. The place is huge, as are many of the Sandton joints.

The Big Mouth is a lovely bistro-style restaurant that overlooks the square. It’s tastefully done and has tens of staff who hover around as if they are afraid you might try to escape. They were great until we finished eating. Then it was a mission to get the bill. Lovely service throughout, though.

Now, I don’t mean to be funny, but there are 105 choices on The Big Mouth’s menu. It has everything from tapas to tacos, grilled steaks to hamburgers, soups to skewers, pan-fried fish to small-plate finger food, sushi to sashimi, and rice bowls to hand rolls. I know that one can pull this sort of thing off, but wow — how exhausting. And that’s just reading the menu.

We were there for the sushi. We started with some edamame beans, prawn tempura and salt-and-pepper calamari. Passable.

For the mains we had the tuna sashimi with toasted sesame seeds, fresh ginger, garlic sesame oil, jalapeño, red chilli ribbons, lime and soy sauce. I stopped. I tried it again. It was wonderful. Simply unstoppable. One of the best dishes I have ever had. The jalapeño and chilli brought out a whole new wave of flavours. Simply stupendous. I would go back just for that.

We finished it all off with some California rolls, washed them down with sake and got out of there.

If you can stand Sandton, then do try The Big Mouth.

It’s big, but it was very good.

The Big Mouth ★★★½

Nelson Mandela Square Corner Maude and Fifth streets Sandton Tel: 063-293-8869

★★★★★ Makhosi Khoza ★★★★ Excellent ★★★ Good ★★ Poor ★ Jacob Zuma

For Lindiwe Sisulu it doesn’t seem to matter that Jacob Zuma may have stolen billions. If it unites the ANC, he should get a free pass