Classic cars in pole position

There are many services you can demand from your private bank, and they generally get more baroque as your wallet gets ever larger.

Traditional British private banks lead the world in grovelling obsequiousness. Even if your banker is harassing you to do something about the sheer might and magnificence of your overdraft, he is liable to sign off with some variation of “I remain, Sir, your humble and devoted servant”, which often improves the mood in the face of incipient financial apocalypse.

Coutts is a noble example of the breed, with skills honed over a long and distinguished career as banker to HM The Queen. The mind boggles at the prospect of being sent to the palace to raise the querulous eyebrow if Her Maj were to get over-ambitious with the housekeeping budget, but there’s no doubt Coutts would do it with aplomb.

It would be happy to offer the sort of discreet offshore funding structure that enables the client to enjoy life’s luxuries without an inordinate amount of scrutiny from domestic management. But with the publication of its passion index, this discretion may no longer be necessary.

The index tracks the performance of asset classes making up its clients’ passions, with the notable exception of the two-legged variety. Despite a correction in 2015 and 2016, classic cars have been the standout performer, doing 331.9% since the index launched in 2005. Old master and 19th-century art has been a shocker, shedding some 42%, which hints at a buying opportunity if you fancy a Raphael in the downstairs loo.

The mind boggles at the prospect of being sent to the palace to raise the querulous eyebrow if Her Maj were to get overambitious with the housekeeping budget