MANIA OF THE CELEBS
We’ve all had a tough time in lockdown — and just when you thought 2021 was one for the books, some celebs have turned the strange up a notch
Iremember a simpler time. I like to call it December 2020. How naive and hopeful we all were back then. In those idyllic days of yore, all we worried about was Covid. Were we going into a lockdown? Would vaccines ever arrive? Did anyone have booze? What a lark it all was.
Then 2021 hit like a fierce bird strike to our left engine, and we’ve been in free fall ever since.
On home turf, the Delta variant, an almost-coup and 10 fictitious babies had us all madly clutching for the oxygen masks that had hastily been deployed.
Elsewhere, between a British health minister resigning because he was caught smooching a colleague during a pandemic and everyone evacuating Afghanistan in a matter of minutes, the whole world neatly tucked itself into the brace position.
I don’t think any of us recall buying a ticket for this surreal trip. And yet — here’s the thing — somehow, we’re still airborne. It’s already September but it’s
You’ve got to wonder how Fergie could consider marrying such a creep as Prince Andrew twice
become apparent that we should steel ourselves for a couple of snakes to fall from the overhead luggage compartments in the runup to the end of the year. Things are that weird.
Take the news, for example, as reported by Vanity Fair, that “palace insiders” or “those close to the couple” or some other deeply reliable source, say that Andrew, the poster boy for charming princes, is keen to remarry his ex-wife, Sarah Ferguson.
Fergie and Andy divorced in 1996 and have been mates for decades but, apparently, lockdown reignited their passion.
Of course, this leak of renewed amour comes at the exact moment that Prince Andrew, the Duke of York, is trying to dodge being served with sexual assault papers from the US by Virginia Roberts — a victim of sex offender Jeffrey Epstein. Roberts also claims she was assaulted by Andrew when she was 17.
Whether the news of a royal flame rekindled is a masterful diversion tactic or proof that love never dies, you’ve got to wonder how Fergie could consider marrying such a creep twice. For her, maybe it’s a quid pro quo that provides a path out of financial troubles and a sales boost for her latest romance novel, penned for bodice-ripper publisher Mills & Boon.
This dubious pair make the recoupling of Hollywood duo Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck, who first dated from 2002 to 2004, seem like the most ordinary occurrence of all time. That almost 20 years later, Bennifer are once again the coolest, best-looking couple, says much about this Groundhog Day we’re calling 2021.
Then there is Kim Kardashian.
First, she pitches up at the prelaunch listening party of her estranged husband Kanye West’s new album, Donda, in a full-on Balenciaga wedding dress (moments before West set fire to himself, obviously).
Then, last week Kardashian was photographed stepping out in what can best be described as a full-leather gimp suit, ideal for an autumn stroll down Fifth Avenue. The outfit, also by Balenciaga, covered every bit of her, excluding her glossy ponytail, and took Covid masks to another level.
She took the “look” a step further at Manhattan’s Met Gala on Monday night, when she appeared completely blacked out in the Spanish couture brand once again.
Also to be filed under “crazy 2021 cover-ups” was Madonna’s appearance at the MTV Video Music Awards party on Sunday. The 63-year-old rocked up in a black bustier, fishnet stockings and a ghostly white veil. The look was “Miss Havisham does post-operative cosmetic surgery chic”.
Along with the other tatty and bizarre fashion statements that did the rounds at the awards and Met Gala, Madge’s getup illustrated that it’s not only the common folk who’ve ended up stir-crazy in lockdown — it’s the ultra-rich too.
You read it here first: tracksuits are out, gimp suits are in, and they make the perfect travelling kit, irrespective of whether you’re in business class or economy on freakish flight 2021.