Santa hits back at a hapless hack
My festival fantasy seeks your indulgence.
Last year I pleaded with you to round up all corrupt politicians and religious fanatics, get them to work in your factory making toys.
The move was to rehabilitate them to become honest, humble and honourable citizens. Then to bring them back to influence others. But no, you ignored my request, and we're still stuck with these miscreants. Although they're known to the law enforcers (sic), party stalwarts (sic) are still active in bankrupt SOEs and municipalities. And jihadists continue to influence the gullible.
I was always under the impression columnists were intellectuals. OK, egotistical and self-indulgent, but with some savvy.
Your clueless request, if it reflects the thinking of your contemporaries, puts paid to my belief. Any thinking person will know politicians and religious fanatics can't be rehabilitated. They are eternally a bad species. And you expect me to introduce these crooks to my hard-working pixies.
The first thing they'll do is form a labour union and demand wages. My pixies work for the love of the job and are quite happy with their lot. The religious fanatics will establish secret cells to brainwash my workers whom I've taught to love one another - the true belief.
You've obviously forgotten what a politician is: one who, when bought, stays bought. Ho-ho-ho!
And fanaticism? Ironically a columnist (he must be among the rare clever ones) defined it thus: It comes from any form of chosen blindness accompanying the pursuit of a single dogma.
And these are the people you want to foist on me! I would suggest you spend the festive season turning loose your creative juices (not including the fruit of the vine, ho-hoho), encouraging the nation at large to wake up and use the ballot box to show its anger against a government filled with the people you want me to handle. That's the only way of doing it.
But I leave you with one unusually smart thought coming from Bill Clinton: "Being president is like running a cemetery: you've got a lot of people under you and nobody's listening". Ho-ho-ho!
OK. OK. I consider myself slapped. But just for your information: There's a family called Gupta. . .
A sleigh drawn by frothing reindeer is seen doing a U-turn at breakneck speed. To India?
Happy Christmas. Yoda is a German shepherd cross female looking for a good home. She is very lively and loves to play.
Flossie is a 7-year-old Pekingese female, an ideal Christmas present.
Buster, a ridgeback male, is just over 2 years old.
This male Pekingese is waiting for you.