“Date who­ever you want”

Glamour (South Africa) - - Relationships / Love advice -

ZAHRA We get a lot of emails from Mus­lim women who are dat­ing non-mus­lim men, ask­ing how to deal with telling their par­ents. And while many of us care what our fam­i­lies think, you can’t date to their ex­pec­ta­tions. Ev­ery­body has per­cep­tions about how a ‘good woman’ dates, and you won’t be able to live up to them all. TANZILA Do what­ever you can to keep your par­ents out of your dat­ing life. Mine tried to ar­range meet­ings for me with random com­puter en­gi­neers look­ing for green card mar­riages. I had to be firm and tell them, “That’s not how this is go­ing to work.” As I got older, I cre­ated a life where I wasn’t de­pen­dent on my par­ents and built a com­mu­nity of like-minded peo­ple who helped me re­alise I could cre­ate my own path. Now I’ll tell my par­ents about a guy when I know he’s go­ing to pro­pose. Z My fam­ily is very reli­gious, and I’m mar­ried to a white athe­ist. One thing that made dat­ing him, while my par­ents were con­stantly watch­ing, eas­ier was I had a sis­ter who did the whole ‘dat­ing a non-mus­lim who then con­verted’ rig­ma­role. That carved out a way for me, so see if you can get a rel­a­tive to do it first. OK, maybe that won’t work; try send­ing your par­ents ar­ti­cles about some­one in your sit­u­a­tion. T I’m su­per sin­gle and don’t know if I’m do­ing the right things to find love – I of­ten won­der if I should let them ar­range my mar­riage. Z You can still do what your par­ents want, and your re­la­tion­ships might not work. Date who­ever you want, be­cause all you can do is be true to your­self. Too cheesy? T Don’t know. Is cheese ha­laal?

Zahra and Tanzila ex­plore what it means to be a mod­ern Mus­lim woman on #Good­mus­lim­bad­mus­lim (good mus­lim bad mus­lim.com).

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