How to move past it

1 reassure yourself that you matter

Your needs are important, and your dreams are valid, so invest in yourself as you would in other people. Self-sacrificing stems from the belief that you’re not worthy and you need other people to validate you, but you’re the only person who can give you the approval and validation you seek. Believe that you’re enough because you are!

2 practise self-care

Set an intention to fill your cup, so you can operate from a place of abundance instead of lack. When your cup is full, you’re able to give the overflow to other people. Self-care also means detaching from people and situations that no longer serve you. Say yes to yourself more often by doing things that make you feel good.

3 learn to set boundaries

Get in touch with yourself and tune into your value system, so you know when you’re being violated or if your actions aren’t in line with your core values. It’s OK to give to other people when your cup’s full, but it’s also OK to say no when you don’t have the resources, or if it just doesn’t feel right to say yes.

4 recognise when you’re imposing

Believing it’s your job to fix people robs them of the opportunity to learn from their mistakes and grow. They don’t have to be accountable, which can lead you to resent and persecute them for not living up to your expectations. You may end up feeling victimised because you’ve been doing too much. It’s this kind of thinking that keeps you trapped in the drama triangle.

5 Feel your feelings

It’s OK to feel angry and to express it; you don’t have to be a doormat to be liked. If the people around you expect you to be happy all the time, despite how they treat you, then this is a good time to re-evaluate.

6 trust yourself

You can make good decisions and live the life of your dreams. Just because you’ve made some mistakes in the past, it doesn’t mean you can’t make better ones today and in the future. Your intuition is powerful, so tap into it and trust your inner voice to guide you. You may have suppressed it over the years, but if you allow yourself to detach from all the noise and drama, you’ll hear it.

7 love yourself

A lot of things have happened in your life to make you feel ‘less than’, but you can forgive yourself for tolerating things you shouldn’t have, and learn to put yourself first. It’s a process that involves unlearning certain beliefs and behaviours. But first, you have to forgive yourself. Constantly working on yourself and owning your stuff will help you stay focused on your journey, instead of being obsessed with fixing others. You’re worthy! Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others and Start Caring for Yourself (R230, takealot.com)