MAGICAL KINGDOM
Tackling Swaziland with the Patrol forum.
Sounds like tomorrow’s trail is going to be a tough one,” I say to Chris Boegman early on the Friday morning of a long weekend in March. We’re having our wake-up coffee in an informal camp the guys from the Patrol forum set up on a friend’s farm in Swaziland. “Well, then I guess we’ll have to drive it,” Chris says nonchalantly as he sips his brew. I can’t really say that I share the man’s Zen-like tranquillity. David Volschenk, the forum member who organised this 4x4 weekend in Swaziland, told me last night around the campfire that the obstacles on the trail go up to grade 5.What’s more, this weekend in Swaziland with the Patrol forum has a history. We were supposed to have come at the same time last year, but three days before our departure, the rain started to bucket down over the kingdom. And when the news came that the rivers we were supposed to cross along the trail were all in flood, the Patrol boys decided to rather spend the weekend at Moegatle 4x4 near Brits. I remember like it was yesterday how I sat in Chris’ Patrol with my legs pressed hard against the foot well and my hands white-knuckled around a door handle as we drove down, then up Moegatle’s infamous hill, Koos se Klip. And I remember equally well how Alex Roux’s Patrol first got wedged so badly in an obstacle that two vehicles had to winch him out, and then almost landed on its roof up Koos se Klip. David, who has set up camp next to us, starts his Patrol. The 4.2-litre diesel engine roars like a tiger, belching black smoke in our direction before settling down to a rumbling idle. Chris and Alex Botha, who are also driving with us this weekend, cough theatrically and make a big fuss of waving the smoke away. Both of them drive petrol-powered Patrols and enjoy poking fun at the diesels every now and then. “Smells like a real man!” David hits back jokingly.
On the rally drivers’ tails
About an hour later, 10 Nissan Patrols pull up at a shopping centre in Ezulwini. Here we meet Jeanne and Vollie Volschenk.
They’re David’s brothers and also our trail guides for the weekend. Jeanne explains that our route will follow a lot of roads and tracks used in the Swaziland Regularity Raid. Jeanne was involved in this rally for many years, driving all the roads himself before letting contestants loose. Needless to say, he knows them like the back of his hand. The Reg Raid, as the Regularity Raid is also known, was a rally competition against time, not a 4x4 obstacle competition like the Bridgestone Challenge I’ve driven before. But Reg Raid drivers needed serious 4x4 skills to win this competition, or even just complete the route along dirt tracks, border lines, through rivers and mud holes and up and down mountains. Our two-day trail included many of these same challenges, explains Jeanne, as well as a few detours on paths zig-zagging through the Lebombo Mountains. If there was any doubt in anyone’s mind that this weekend would test our driving abilities to the max, it was now put to rest. In some places the road is nothing more than a cattle track through some local’s farm (driven with their permission, of course), he explains. Before long we’re driving on exactly such a track high above Ezulwini, from where we’ll slowly make our way to Mbabane over the mountains. There isn’t much of a road, but it’s easy going on the green grass under the wheels, giving us time to enjoy the natural beauty of the country around us. Swaziland must’ve had good rain again this year because the mountains look soft to the touch, covered in green all the way to the top. I quietly wonder what all this water will mean for our trail. After a few kilometres we reach a small stream with two ways across and up the embankment – an easy climb and a deeply eroded trench in the hill. It’s not long before every one of the Patrols aim for the trench. One by one they roar to the top, rusty-looking mud flying from the wheels. It’s taken the team only one obstacle to draw their line in the sand – escape routes and detours are not what they came to Swaziland for. The rest of the morning’s driving may be too easy for this bunch, I think as we advance.We have to squeeze between large granite rocks here and there and we drive a fun hill or two, but the most of the time we’re travelling on a scenic nature trail. The closest to a standard vehicle amongst these forum guys is Phillip and Mariëtte Weideman’s 4.8 model, but even it has big BF Goodrich All-Terrains and Old Man Emu suspension that eat the trail like wet biltong. The green beauty around us more than makes up for the lack of driving challenges though, and when we stop at a lookout point high into the hills, it looks like everyone’s having fun. Lots of forum members have brought their families, wives or partners along, and maybe some of them are glad they haven’t spent every kilometre so far desperately clinging to something in their vehicles.
A Hilux D4-D capsized on this hill not too long ago.”
The mobile microwave oven
Before we head off again, I see Manie van der Merwe and Graham Cumming inspecting a big foil-covered package. It sounds like Manie is a new face on the forum, but it’s clearly not his first outing with a vehicle into the wild. Manie prepared this packet of left-over braai meat this morning so he could warm it up under the bonnet. It’s not long before the two find a spot for Manie and his partner Wilma’s lunch in the “oven”. It’s also at the lunch spot where we encounter our first real challenge of the day. I’m standing at the top of a steep rocky ascent, ready to snap the vehicles, but paying more attention to a story Vollie is telling. Apparently, a Hilux D4-D capsized on this very hill not too long ago. Most of the Patrols planning to drive up here have seen Koos se Klip, though. This hill, though very steep, is still a bit tamer than Moegatle’s monster, and the vehicles make it to the top one after the other. “How was it?” I ask Chris as he drives past. “Nee wat, I think I’m going to drive it in reverse next time!” he jokes. Chris offers me his vehicle so I have a chance to give it a go, too. I tackled many of Moegatle’s obstacles in it last year so I’m pretty familiar with his steed. But the rest of the group’s already heading to the next challenge and I decide to join the convoy.
The decision to drive would nearly cause me to drag my name (and that of Drive Out!) through the mud… and leave them there. I think we drove on a stretch of tar, or maybe good dirt road at some point.Whatever it was, I took the vehicle back to 2H. Chris and I were so busy chewing the fat (including the fat of numerous bacon biltong sticks) that I forgot to engage low range again for the next obstacle. In a way I think it’s all his Patrol’s fault.The damned thing rumbles over any trouble so easily that you barely notice you’re not in four-wheel drive. So when we arrive at a muddy river crossing, I simply flick the rear diff lock switch to “On” and choose a line through the water as we continue to chat away. The Patrol roars into the river, keeping a steady bow wave ahead of us as the opposite bank gets closer and closer. But just as I want to raise a triumphant fist out the window, the rear sags into the mud with an unhealthy gurgle. And there we sit. I reverse, then inch forward, but to no avail. Then I make sure the rear diff is engaged, hit first gear and floor the accelerator, only to dig us in deeper. Chris is sitting there as Zen as the Dalai Lama, but in my mind I’m already writing the last line of my story “and then we floated down the river in the Patrol to Mbabane”.The water is already about a quarter of the way up against the spare wheel on the backdoor of the vehicle. “Your front wheels aren’t turning!” someone shouts from the riverbank. And then it hits me like a sledge hammer. “I’m still in two high, man!” I shout at Chris with a mixture of glee and embarrassment.The Dalai Lama bursts out laughing. By now the exhaust has turned the river around us into a Jacuzzi. I go over to low range, inch back, then put the automatic gearbox in Drive and floor it.The Patrol’s wheels hop on the riverbed as it slowly but surely finds purchase and we roar onto dry land with water streaming out everywhere. The water reached into the boot area and wetted about half the carpet back there.We drove around the rest of the weekend with a slightly musty smell in the vehicle. Not the best travel companion, but a good reminder to regularly check where the gear levers are sitting!
A storm brews
Saturday is a rest day – one that our neighbour Michael Steyn apparently needs rather desperately. “My car is a bigger mess than my little girl’s bedroom!” he says as he peers in from the rear. Housekeeping isn’t on our agenda, however, and Chris, Alex and I decide to spend the day in Malolotja Nature Reserve and try out their canopy tour, something I highly recommend (see more details in the info box on page 41).
Refreshed and ready for another day’s challenging drives, the Patrols gather again on the Sunday morning, this time at a Puma filling station near Ezulwini. Today, we’ll be driving through the mountains again, but further south of Ezulwini. We’re also joined by two more guides: Gert Boshoff from Erglekker 4x4.co.za, who also organises off-road self-drive trips, and his friend Victor Tesar. Gert clearly knows his stuff and drives an impressive Jeep Wrangler himself, but I quickly see even he has slightly underestimated this pack of modified vehicles and their drivers’ abilities. Our first challenge for the day is called Rock ’n Roll, a fitting name for this dirt hill that challenges articulation as you hop from one deep hole to the next to the top. “Stand here,” Gert shows me. “This is where the guys usually start lifting wheels.” Trying to help the group along, he even drives a track to the top so they can see what the correct line is. But it all proves completely unnecessary almost immediately. Camera at the ready, I watch one Patrol after the other pass me without a single wheel losing contact with the ground! From here, we drive on a wide trail carved in red earth up the mountains. It’s a lot less challenging than the last time our guides were here recently, since a road grader has taken to the road to even it out. But then we’re suddenly confronted by a
wire fence that has also been erected unexpectedly, right across the road. Cutting fences on private land is not an option and we’re forced to find another track up the mountain.The one we find, however, is in a bad state. It wasn’t the planned route so our guides didn’t recce this trail at all. Some of them have driven it, but very long ago. We battle our way up over seriously rocky terrain and almost run into trouble soon after – Graeme nearly capsizes his vehicle when he has to get over a boulder around a sharp turn. Shortly after the incident, we’re stopped again by an erosion ditch that’s ripped the road in two. Gert, in the smaller Jeep, just squeezes past on the side of the road, but he has to drive so far on the shoulder that his Wrangler starts slipping down the steep hill below it. A team of helpers run up, and with five or six of them hanging on to the side of his vehicle, Gert carefully inches himself out of trouble and back to the relative safety of the path. But an entire convoy of larger, much heavier 4x4s still has to get past the ditch.To make matters worse, we find at closer inspection that the water has carved out the earth deeply underneath the road to the sides of the ditch. Building the road back up is our only option now because there’s no way we can turn around.
The international department of public works
It’s not long before the news reaches the bottom end of the convoy, and even beyond that by the looks of it. Locals start appearing from everywhere to lend a hand. One has a machete and immediately starts chopping branches off a tree to fill up the hole. I quietly hope the tree that he’s mutilating for our sake is on his own land, but the language barrier makes it impossible to confirm. In the meantime a serious conversation has ensued about the best way forward. Some of the guys rather want to go around the top of the ditch, over the steep banks where the road’s been carved out of the hill, climbing back onto the path after the wound in the road. The banks are too high to drive up, however, and even after a team has tried to flatten the entry and exit points of the detour slightly with spades (and lots of sweat) the team sees it’s not going to work. Graeme tackles the entry point but the angle is so bad that he wedges his vehicle’s rear, damaging the back bumper and taillights. A pick axe appears and it’s not long before huge rocks are rolling into the hole. It’s a true team effort – the men push the big rocks down while the rest help with whatever they can carry. Then more hands and spades follow with heaps of dirt. Slowly but surely the gaping gap fills up, until the mixture of wood, rock and soil looks like it’s solid enough to take the weight of a vehicle. The jovial, chatty air that hung over the convoy earlier is gone, though.Things have gotten serious,
because one mistake here could send a three-ton vehicle rolling down the mountain. Behind me one of the guys is getting an earful from his SWAMBO (She Who Always Must Be Obeyed). “You’re not driving up here today, okay?! It’s way too dangerous!” Manie is first in the queue and the group decides to anchor his winch around a man-sized boulder next to the road for safety. But as soon as he starts pulling forward, the force dislodges the rock. Luckily, the winch cable is tied around the lower part, and when the rock starts rolling down the hill, the cable simply stays behind on the ground.The rock rolls down the mountain and crashes into a tree with a bang. Now the team chooses another large rock, this one on the other side of the road, to tie the winch cable to. “If that rock rips loose today and starts rolling down the path, we’re gonna have some sports,” says Chris, looking back at the whole convoy still waiting behind us. With all the spectators safely out of the way, Manie slowly advances with a combination of engine and winch power. His left rear wheel first looks like it’s going to sag dangerously into the ditch, but the filling holds and he drives over safely as the crowd cheers. Graeme, next in line, is one big furrowed brow of concentration as he drives over the dangerous obstacle, but he too makes it without any hiccups. With two vehicles now safely across and the line obvious, it’s clear that it’s safe for the rest of the convoy to proceed. After another rocky obstacle or two we eventually stop at a beautiful lookout point for a well-deserved lunch. The rest of the trail to the bottom of the mountains is a scenic and mostly mild twin track. We’re done with the day’s route, but with some light to burn before sunset, most of the guys decided to go play in a nearby river. We kick up some water and slide around the thick river sand for a last bit of driving fun and then head back to camp. But Swaziland wasn’t finished with us yet. Chris and I are the first to drive out of the river and back to camp, and shortly after we’re standing around with a drink. It takes the rest of the group almost an hour to join us, however. Errol Wilkie got stuck so deeply on the return leg that two other Patrols had to recover him, we’re told. “Ag, I was driving in two high, man,” he laughs when we chat about the incident later. “You know I like to see how far I can get that way.You have to keep things interesting.” That’s right, Wilkie, you and I speak the same language, I think as I smile to myself.
We kicked up some water and slid around the thick river sand for a bit of driving fun.”