‘He Never Died’ is dead boring

If there’s one way to describe 2015’s He

Never Died, it’s “wasted potential”.

The movie has such an interesting premise and decides to do absolutely nothing with it, leading to a bland, forgettable experience.

The main character, played by Henry Rollins, is an immortal cannibal named Jack, who has forced himself into a strict routine to try and fight his craving for human meat. Okay, that’s an interesting start. The film-makers could do a lot with that.

Suddenly his estranged daughter, played by Jordan Todosey, appears at his door and asks to stay with him for a few days.

“Jaded and cynical parental figure reconnecting with child and rediscovering their humanity” is a solid foundation for a film but why did Jack have to be an immortal cannibal again?

Oh, because his daughter gets kidnapped in the third act thanks to plot contrivances and Jack needs to be able to tear his way through an entire underground gang (often literally) without getting injured.

And for an added kick in the teeth, Jack is revealed to be none other than Cain, the Bible’s uncontested Brother of the Year.

I probably should have put a spoiler warning before this but honestly the writers didn’t seem to care so neither will I. This “twist” has zero bearing on the plot and was completely unnecessary.

He Never Died’s biggest crime, however, is that it is incredibly boring.

Jack as a character falls completely flat and is such a constant misery guts that it’s almost impossible to feel any sympathy for him. The other characters, while actually capable of showing emotions other than “brooding”, are pretty one-dimensional.

The action is no better and tries to compensate for poor camera work and direction, with over-the-top gore effects.

We all know Jack can’t be killed, so there’s no reason to care when he goes up against a room full of goons. It sucks out what little tension there was and what should be a thrilling battle turns into a dull chore.