The unspoken rules of casual sex

Whether it’s a friends-with-benefits situation or a Tinder date gone right, here’s how to ensure everyone wakes up happy the next morning

WHILE IT GOES AGAINST CONVENTIONAL WISDOM,

I’m a staunch opponent of the idea that sex is always better with someone you love. A er years with an exclusive, committed partner, they usually know at least four things that you like doing. You’ve likely brought up your kinks and turn o s. You’re unafraid to say, ‘A bit to the le .’ But sex with the same person can also become rote in a way casual sex cannot.

Casual sex, of course, can su er from its newness or lack of intimacy on occasion. But casual sex o ers novelty; there’s something inherently sexy about getting down and dirty with a new person.

Because the delicate bubble of casual sex is very easily burst, here are some guidelines for making casual sex, well, casual.

BE PREPARED

Even though you’ll inevitably end up staying elsewhere from timeto-time, casualness is something that you should exude through your attitude, not your apartment’s cleanliness level, so best to just be prepared. Own more than one towel. e amenities don’t need to be expensive or luxurious – you’re not opening a spa – but you de nitely want your guests to feel comfortable. Perhaps the most important thing to have on hand? Condoms. None of this nonsense about how it feels better without one – if that’s you, then do yourself a favour and buy some better ones. Buy 17 di erent kinds so you can switch it up every night! I don’t care. If you’re having casual sex, accept that condoms will always be part of that equation.

DON’T GET FANCY WITH THE SPICES

ere’s a scene in Ratatouille in which Linguini accuses Remy (the rat chef) of ‘getting fancy with the spices.’ In familial parlance it’s become shorthand for going overboard out of desperation to do well. Casual sex isn’t the place to try things with which you don’t already have a baseline comfort level. ere’s a huge di erence between, ‘I’ve never done it in a car,’ and, ‘Let’s dabble in BDSM.’ Being up for anything really means, ‘Up for fairly common sex acts that we’re both comfortable with, perhaps with minor, fun twists.’

DON’T LINGER

Prolonged proximity leads to intimacy, whether you like it or not. If you hang out with someone long enough, you become friends, and then you’re friends who are regularly sleeping together and spending the subsequent day together, and then bam! e next thing you know, you’re getting them a cheesy Valentine’s Day card. I’m not suggesting you grab your pants and do a Mission Impossible dive out the nearest

ve-story window the moment you’re nished coming. I’m just saying that breakfast is intimate, as is cuddling together for hours, and intimacy and casualness tend to extinguish one another.

DON’T MAKE IT WEIRD

You two aren’t dating, you don’t get a say on what they do or who else they have relationships with. You only get to set your boundaries, and hopefully that meshes with their expectations, too. Don’t get possessive. Don’t publicise that you’re hooking up. Don’t pick up their parents from the airport.

Just be cool, put in a moderate amount of e ort and have fun.