the topic: terminal illness

There’s no right way To Prepare To TELL Those close To you THAT you’re Terminally ILL, it all boils down to your personality and who you’re comfortable sharing the news with.

Clinical psychologist at Mental Wellness Hub Lwanele Khasu explains that after receiving the bad news, a number of things run through your mind. ‘You may not be in the right state of mind to prepare anything, but you may need the support.’

And she cautions that if you overthink it, it may be even more overwhelming than is necessary. ‘Don’t feel pressured to tell everyone while you’re still dealing with the information, just start with your close confidants,’ she continues. You might not even know who to share the news with, but Khasu recommends telling one person or a small group of friends or family to feel less overwhelmed. ‘Once you figure out what your diagnosis means and had some time to process everything, then you can let other people in,’ she says. Also, be careful of the people who lack empathy, tell them the news last.

Naturally, you’ll have more questions than answers when sharing the news – Khasu addresses your concerns:

GQ: What kind of information should I share with my loved ones, and why?

Lwanele Khasu:

This depends on the relationship you may have with them. Keep things logistical and factual with your colleagues; you’re simply telling them so they know how this will influence your work. With your close friends and family, the ones who will walk the journey with you, tell them what you feel most comfortable with, but also don’t be afraid to ask for help or space when you need it. Acquaintances and distant friends may know just enough to know of what’s going on, but not enough where it will lead to an influx of questions. It’s OK to send a group email or SMS with updates as you get them. A close friend can take on this task if it becomes too overwhelming for you. Again, all this depends on your personality and whether you prefer space or need many people around you.

GQ: Is it OK not to bring up issues that are too sensitive to talk about yet?

LK: Yes, it’s OK. You can even tell them that there are factors you’re not comfortable sharing yet, but will do so in time. When you’re going through a lot, people feel helpless and to aid that they will want to do a lot for you, which may or may not be helpful. So, being honest with what you can or cannot deal with is necessary.

GQ: What’s the best way to react when people question my choice of treatment?

LK: Be straightforward with whether you’re open to feedback. Also, as the individual who is ill, be open to advice from those you have chosen to be your close confidants. There may be things you’re overlooking or too stressed to think about. So some advice isn’t bad, even if you’ve already decided. If you feel strongly about your choices, then disclose from the beginning that you’ve made a decision and are happy with your choice.

GQ: Should I tell others how I’m feeling or should I save it for a counsellor?

LK: You can, if you feel safe with them. But don’t shut your therapist out because you have other people to talk to. Your friends and family can be supportive but may not give you the coping skills a therapist can.

GQ: How do I make it easier for my people to support me, and how do I point them toward educational resources?

LK: It’s too much to expect the ill person to know how to be supported. You may not know yourself, so it could be best if they accompany you to the doctor, who can assist with helpful ways to support you and advise on how others with the same condition have done it. It will also be trial and error until they find something that helps, and things can change along the way. Lastly, they can do a Google search of supportive ways to help people with that condition. Family therapy helps to mourn the illness as a family and figure out how to best move forward.

GQ: What should I do if people offer to help but I don’t want to feel like a burden?

LK: Ask yourself, ‘Do I need the help?’ and,

‘Are they genuine?’ If the answer is yes, let them help you. Alternatively, have a “task team” from your close friends and family and alternate who you ask, then it doesn’t feel as if you’re asking the same person. Plus, be kind to yourself, because you need the help. If you’re used to your independence, then it’s expected that you’ll feel like a burden, but it’s important that you allow people to help you. Surrounding yourself with close friends and family will make it easier for you to be vulnerable. As a result, you’ll feel more comfortable.

GQ: Does telling your loved ones make what’s happening more real or does it help ease the burden? And how do I tell my children?

LK: If you have supportive people, it can ease the burden, but it does also make it real. Part of processing is admitting to the illness. Be truthful and honest with your children, as they are good at picking up inconsistencies, even though they may say nothing. They could end up internalising things, so always be honest and take them to therapy to help process the news. Avoid lying to make them feel better, allow them to deal with the truth, and cope from there.

GQ: Are there family support groups?

LK: Yes, there are. There are also virtual groups on social media. Family therapy is quite helpful. Otherwise, individual therapy would also be beneficial for all affected parties. »