GQ (South Africa)

Sending nudes before the first date

For some folks, knowing their date’s already seen them naked takes the pressure off a first meet-up


This summer, Nick sent his first dick pic. As a 35-year-old straight man, he wonders if he’s a bit of a late bloomer in the dick-pic department.

Via Instagram, a mutual friend had connected Nick with a woman because he thought they might hit it off. And they did. After a day or two of flirting over texts and phone calls, she sent him a nude picture.

After a few days, Nick wondered what he should do next. Was this an invitation to reply with his own nude? Would sending a nude be the best way to make sure she sent more pictures of herself? Isn’t it weird to send nudes to someone you haven’t even met in person?

Often, the virtual exchange of nude pictures before a first meeting establishe­s both parties’ intent to have sex. Many people who I spoke to for this piece said swapping nudes before meeting in person tends to imply a one-time encounter, or at least, a purely sexual connection. Rather than making the first date weird, the folks I spoke to said they felt more comfortabl­e because the intimacy of seeing each other naked tends to signal more open attitudes toward sex.

Sometimes, if incompatib­le schedules make it difficult to meet up with an internet match in a timely manner, sending nudes can help maintain interest.

Sharing nude pictures isn’t always a prelude to physical sex; it can be the main event. Our dominant cultural attitudes towards sex define physical, penetrativ­e sex as the default and most valid sexual expression, but sex can be anything consenting individual­s want it to be.

After sending his first dick pic, Nick tossed and turned wondering if sending his nude in response was inappropri­ate.

The quickest way to figure out if someone wants to see a picture of your genitals is direct communicat­ion. From a practical standpoint, you can’t assume your sexting buddy is at home alone. When it comes to being asked for nudes, everyone has their own preference­s. Personally, it’s important that my partner makes it clear they’re placing a request rather than an order. For others, a simple ‘send nudes’ may suffice.

‘The quickest way to figure out if someone wants to see a picture of your genitals is direct communicat­ion’

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