What Cardi B can teach you about going down

And six more things everyone should know about going down

After All the noise About it a few months ago, it’s summer now, which means we’ll be hearing Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion’s anthem of female arousal, “WAP”, wherever there’s a party. And what better way to achieve a WAP than some good old-fashioned cunnilingus.

But how do you go down well? What makes for great oral sex? I spoke to Ian Kerner, author of She Comes First, about seven things everyone should know about cunnilingus.

1. You need to have A receptive partner.

‘When I talk to women about why they’re uncomfortable about sex, it usually comes down to issues around genital self-esteem,’ Kerner says, ‘feeling like their vulvas may look funny, taste funny, smell funny or they’re worried that men don’t really do that and you’re just doing it as a service.’ He suggests that the partner who’s going down be sure to express how much they enjoy going down on them.

2. Going down isn’t foreplay.

Despite what we’ve learned, oral sex isn’t a part of foreplay. You have to build to it. Kerner compares going right into oral sex as an opening act to biting someone – it could be hot if you’re already really turned on, but that should rarely be your opening salvo. As Kerner puts it, ‘It’s really crucial to get the body and the nervous system sensitised to levels of arousal where that kind of direct stimulation of the clitoris is wanted.’ Do things that build up the anticipation before you dive in.

3. you might need a quick anatomy lesson.

The clitoris isn’t just a button above the vagina. It is, in fact, deep and wishbone-shaped. What we call the clitoris is the only external part of it or the glans clitoris. I’m not encouraging you to memorise anatomical charts – but there are a whole lot of nerve endings down there that are getting ignored if you only focus on one tiny spot. Inside the legs of the wishbone are clitoral bulbs, which are kind of like airbags wrapping around the entrance to the vagina; they have erectile tissue in them and are part of getting aroused.

4. keep it simple.

Ideally, you want your partner lying flat on her back, legs spread but not too far apart. “As a rule, her legs should always be closer together than farther apart, as she needs the full command of her pelvic muscles,” writes Kerner. Also, the back arch that we’ve all learned is “sexy” according to porn and movies is not what aroused people do, and can cut off blood flow to the vagina and hamper breathing, both of which are important in getting turned on. When a woman feels aroused, “her back will [be] flat... and she’ll be tilting her genitals slightly up.”

5. Be persistent and consistent.

‘The clitoris responds to persistent and consistent stimulation,’ says Kerner. Too often, men change tack right before a woman is about to come, making it incredibly difficult for her to stay aroused. Unlike men, who reach a point of ejaculatory inevitability, Kerner says, ‘women require persistent, unbroken clitoral stimulation, even as they are climaxing, or their orgasm will grind to a halt.’ In other words: don’t change anything.

6. give head.

As Cardi B says in “WAP”, ‘Put this pussy right in your face/ Swipe your nose like a credit card.’ You should be using more than just your tongue.

Kerner agrees, writing, “You need to get your whole face in there... If a filmmaker were capturing the event, viewers would see nothing beyond the still back of your head.”

7. don’t underestimate stillness... but don’t stop.

When you’re the partner’s going down, sometimes your job is just to provide a point of resistance, or, to put it another way, to be still. ‘It’s not about using wild and varied techniques,’ says Kerner. It’s just about being able to be still and maintain contact with requisite levels of pressure. Ideally, during oral sex, the woman should be able to have the same degree of control over pressure, friction and angle. And so, sometimes, just being still and letting the woman lead, letting a woman press against you, is best.”

As with all sex advice, some parts of this will work better for your partner than others. Talk to each other, be curious about your partner’s pleasure.