FOUNDERHOOD

1 7 ‘ MOVE FAST AND BREAK THINGS’

The startup world shifts and morphs constantly – and here, success is as much about being literate in its current attitudes and hard-won lessons as it is knowing you r ROI from your KPI. Here’s how to become your most valuable hire.

1. Ditch the Afrikaburn chat. ought you said you were a “disruptor”? 2. VC backing isn’t the badge of honour it once was.

So, you’ve given away too much of your company to someone who doesn’t have your best interests at heart – go you! 3. ‘We don’t make a profit but our growth is insane.’ 2008 called – it wants your business model back. 4. ‘There’s no such thing as a work-life balance.’ ere is such a thing as a coronary. 5. Don’t tell people you’re an entrepreneur.

Unless you can’t get enough of hearing their half-baked business ideas. 6. The techlash is real.

Outside the bubble, nobody thinks tech CEOS are rock stars, so don’t behave like one.

7. Coworking?

Don’t poach sta . 8. Never ask a would-be investor to sign an NDA.

You may as well scrawl “amateur” across your face. 9. You built it, own it.

Not taking responsibility for what’s on your platform is so pre-trump. 10. Don’t dress

like you’re at SXSW unless you actually are at SXSW. 11. Yes, an MBA is worth it...

Sure, it’s expensive. So is a failed business. 12 ...But be prepared to forget everything you learn.

MSCHF is a startup that doesn’t have a logo, doesn’t lean on social media, doesn’t even call itself a company and yet has raised R190.8 million since last autumn. Go gure. 13. Stop crushing on Y Combinator

Rube. 14. If you have a ‘Zoom shirt’...

You need a better wardrobe. 15. You don’t need to know how to code...

But you do need to know how to be sustainable. 16. Lose the change-theworld mission statement.

You’re not “reinventing the city”. You’ve made an app for nding a parking space. ASK MARK ZUCKERBERG HOW THAT ONE’S GOING. 18. Diversity should be a priority.

If it’s not, you’re part of the problem. 19. Stop dreaming about the biz lifestyle.

Start dreaming about better business ideas. 20. You don’t need any office space.

Didn’t Covid-19 teach you anything? 21. Oh, you think you’ll get ‘acquihired’ after a ‘pivot’ and some ‘growth hacking’, do you? e lingo’s not fooling anyone. 22. Connecting something to the internet doesn’t make it innovative

“It’s a toaster with its own app!” Just no.