Sex shrink

Sex expert and columnist Sarah Jane Banahan answers your burning (ahem) bedroom questions

‘The orgasm is just one kind of pleasure – and significantly shorter than all the rest of it’

GQ: Any pre- and post-sex hygiene tips?

Sarah Jane Banahan:

For ladies, it’s the usual: empty your bladder at least 15 minutes before intercourse to avoid a flood in the bedroom (unless you plan on getting out the plastic sheets), and also to avoid a urinary tract infection (we call these delightful little episodes UTIS). These can be extremely uncomfortable, and can lead to bigger problems (such as resenting your man), so a quick run to the bathroom before the hammer falls, and Bob’s your uncle.

Let’s not indulge in those myths that a woman should “cleanse her poontang” by rigorous scrubbing with harsh soap, aka intra-vaginal douching. Avoid this at all costs – it’s the Chernobyl of hygiene. It’ll only disrupt the delicate natural balance of vaginal bacteria, which, as you know, is there to maintain a proper state of health.

Men, follow the same hygienic rituals before and after sex. Clean your BFG with a non-fragrant soap and warm water to avoid passing any unwelcome bacteria into the vagina. When it comes to penetrating a woman with your fingers, thoroughly wash your hands first. Bacteria on your hands will quickly spread into the urethra and vagina. Yeast infections can occur very easily, and make your sourdough taste like halibut.

Sex toys can be fantastic for revamping your sex lives. Just make sure you store them in a cool, clean place, and that you clean them regularly.

Regular STI checks for both parties can also give you peace of mind. It’s super-easy to do: just a quick trip to your local doctor or clinic, and boom! And, for pity’s sake, wear a condom! It doesn’t matter how well you know each other, it’s vital that you look after number one (that is YOU, my dear). So whip on a pee-peeponcho and get to work.

GQ: Would you recommend poppers for relaxation of muscles during sex?

SJB: “Poppers” are inhaled through the nose, where they enter the bloodstream and travel around the body, especially to areas like the vagina and clitoris, the shaft of the penis and the anus. These are the main regions for heightened sexual arousal, and, with the added relaxation effects, sex turns into a whole new, enjoyable experience. It’s been suggested that poppers enhance blood-flow into the penis and head, however some men have the opposite experience, become a little too relaxed, and lose their erection. Trial and error, I say.

GQ: What’s the best way to make a woman orgasm?

SJB: Remember, sex is about pleasure. The orgasm is just one particular kind of pleasure – and a significantly shorter kind than all the rest of it. There’s no need to race towards her orgasm.

Studies show that in order for a woman to achieve orgasm, the part of her brain associated with stress and anxiety has to shut down first. If you make a woman feel so good she forgets about everything else, then you’re far more likely to give her an orgasm. (Asking her over and over, ‘Did you cum?’ will only make her less likely to.)

Now let’s talk all things clitoris, since the vast majority of women require clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm! A recent study shows that only 18% of women can reach orgasm through vaginal intercourse alone.

Many guys tend to dive straight in toward the clitoris, without realising or knowing that we, just like you, are extremely sensitive. We require teasing, kissing, light licking and soft touching. The best way to get us excited is to work your way around the clitoris, the inner thighs and pubic bone. Tease it, excite it – then it’s all yours. Meow!

Moving on to the anus... Not for everyone – we get that. It may not even be full penetrative intercourse; some ladies just like it not to be sidelined. So, spread your fingers on her butt cheeks and tilt her towards you; you’ve no idea the number of nerveendings in a woman’s buttocks!

Master the pre-requisites above, then you can focus on the obvious, such as kissing (once things get more heated). The ladies will reach orgasm quicker if you focus on a combination of deep kissing, oral sex, and genital stimulation. Let her lead! Go with the flow – sex is about rhythm. Even going down on her should give you a real sense of what stimulates her best by how she reacts to you; how she moves and the sounds she’s making. If she takes over, notice how hard she’s pushing and in what direction. The answers are in the way she moves – take note!