ANELE NKWANYANA
NAMUHLA sizodingida izigaba ezitholakala ebudlelwaneni obunodlame, sibuke nezindlela ezingalekelela okulesi simo.
Isigaba sokuqala sodlame othandweni, yilapho kunesigameko esiphazamisa osuke enodlame othandweni. Kungaba yinto emhlukumezayo engaphakathi kuyena njengosizi olumkhumbuza imuva noma yinto engaphandle njengokuphelelwa wumsebenzi embangela ingcindezi.
Umhlukumezi le nto igqibelana ngaphakathi athule nayo okusuke kungasho ukuthi akanayo ingcindezi noma ngeke kube nangozi kuyena nakulabo abaseduze naye.
Ukuzizwa sengathi kunengcindezi ekhona okubonakala sengathi kawekho amasu okumsiza kule nkinga abhekene nayo, kwenza umhlukumezi azizwe eyisahluleki esingakwazi ukulawula impilo.
Umuntu ozithola esendaweni ahlukumezeka kuyona, nguyena ozama imizamo yokugwema ukuthi ongumhlukumezi angenzi into ezokwenza kube nengozi ezomlimaza ngokomzimba, ngokomoya, ngokwengqondo nangokocansi.
Kuvamisile ukuthi uma ukulesi simo kube khona ukwethuka nokukhathazeka okuhambisana nokusabela ukuthi umhlukumezi uzokwenzani kuyena.
Ohlukumezekile kuvamisile ukuba abe ngumuntu ongahlaliseki kahle, sengathi angenza noma asho okuthile okuzokwenza ukuba kucasuke umhlukumezi ngisho zikhona izinto ezibalulekile okumele zidingidwe phakathi kwabo. bobabili.
Ngaphambi kokuba umhlukumezi ahlukumeze, ngifisa ukugcizelela ukuthi le nto esuke idala ingcindezi kumhlukumezi, kungaba yinto engenziwanga ngohlukunyezwayo kodwa kube nguyena ogcina eselimala.
Isigaba esilandelayo yilapho umhlukumezi ekhipha ukucindezeleka kwakhe ngokuhlukumeza ukuze ezokwazi ukubuyisa ukuzilawula namandla azizwa sengathi abesemphelele.
Ngokuba amthuke lo amhlukumezayo ambize ngamaganyana. Umhlukumezi inhloso wukwenza ohlukunyezwayo ukuba azenyeze.
Ukuhlale emkhumbuza ukuthi kukhona okubi azomenza khona uma engenzi akufisayo.
Ukuzama ukulawula indlela umuntu aziphatha ngayo, indlela agqoka ngayo nangendlela aphila ngayo impilo yakhe.
Ukumlimaza ngokumshaya, amnukubeze ngokocansi, amphule ngokomoya, nangokwenqondo.
Ukumphoqa ukuba enze izinto ezithile, uma engakwenzi lokho akufunayo, usebenzisa amagama athile enza umuntu azizwe sengathi nguyena onephutha.
Isigaba sesithathu yilapho sekudlule isikhathi isigameko senzeka. Uthola umhlukumezi ezama ukuxolisa nokuzehlisa ngezenzo azenzile.
Ohlukunyeziwe uzibona ethola uthando olweqile, angajwayele ukuliveza umhlukumezi.
Isibonelo, okufana nokuthenga izinto ezithile ezenza kube sengathi kubuyelwa emuva, la uthando olwalusaqala khona.
Ucwaningo luveza ukuthi umuntu osuke enikwa lolu thando, ingqondo yakhe ikhipha ama-hormones abizwa nge-dopamine neoxytocin okuuyiwona anomthelela ngokwenza umuntu acabange ukuthi umhlukumezi ushintshile nezinto zizobuyela esimeni esihle.
Isigaba sokugcina yilapho sekuxolelwene. Kubalulekile kumhlukumezi ukuthi kulesi sigaba akugcizelele kohlukunyezwayo ukuthi iphutha kakulona elakhe, (lo ohlukumezayo) kepha lingasohlangothini lwabanye abantu nezinye izinto ezenza aziphathe kanjena.
Kuyenzeka umhlukumezi enze ohlukunyeziwe abone sengathi isimo kasenzekanga, akhe isithombe esizomenza abone sengathi kasibanga nomthelela omubi.
Noma lokhu kungelona iqiniso esikhathini esiningi, kodwa kwenza ohlukunyeziwe azizwe engafisi ukuphikisa okushiwoyo ukugwema ukuthi isigameko esifana nalesi siphindeke.
Okubalulekile kumhlukumezi wukwenza izethembiso zokuthi isigameko esinje ngeke sisenzeka. Aqinisekise nokuthi lesi esenzekile, kuyisigameko sasemuva esesidlulile, ngokweqiniso kusuke kungenjalo, uma umsuka wokucasuka kungaziwa ukuthi usukaphi?
Nokutholakala kwezindlela ezizolekelela ukuthi uma kukhona ingcindezi enomthelela othile othandweni kubhekwana kanjani nayo ngendlela efanele?
Kuyenzeka ukuthi uma kuvela izimpawu zokuhlukumeza ebudlelwaneni obuthile izigaba ezibalwe ngenhla zingaveli ngokulandelana kwazo. Kuyenzeka nezikhathi eziziveza ngazo zingefani.
Kuyenzeka zonke izigaba zenzeke esikhathini esisodwa noma kube yizikhathi ezehlukene kepha umthelela nomonakalo ohambisana nokuhlukumezeka uyabonakala ngokwenyama, ngokomoya, ngokwengqondo, nangokwenhlalo yomuntu osuke ekulesi simo.
Umuntu osuke ebhekene nalesi simo kuvamisile ukuthi kungabi lula ukuphuma kuso ikakhulukazi uma ejwayezwe ukuthi ukuhlukumezeka akutholayo othandweni kuyiphutha lakhe.
Ngiyafisa ukukugcizelela ukuthi lokhu kakusho ukuthi umuntu ngeke aphume kulesi simo.
Into yokuqala umuntu okulesi simo angayenza, wukuqonda ukuthi lezi zigaba ezibalwe ngenhla zikhona futhi ziyenzeka empilweni yakhe. Lapho kuqala khona ukungezwani khona, kube nesikhathi la ukuhlukumezeka okwenzekayo (okujwayele ukudala umonakalo omkhulu ikakhulukazi kohlukunyezwayo), bese kuxolelwana.
Impilo yokuphilisana ngale ndlela iphinde iqale phansi. Okuyingozi ngalesi simo wukuthi uma kuke kwakhona isigameko sokuqala esenzekayo, maningi amathuba okuba kuphinde kube nezinye izigameko ezizolandela.
Uma umhlukumezi engalutholi usizo nezindlela zokubhekana nengcindezi, uzoqhubeka abe nodlame ukuze akwazi ukubhekana nezinto eziphazamisa ingxenye yakhe yokuzizwa enamandla.
Kakulula ukuvela obala ngokuthi uyahlukunyezwa futhi kusuke kungelona iphutha lakho. Uma abantu besebudlelwaneni kuyenzeka kube nokungaboni ngaso linye kepha kunezindlela ezingathinti udlame ezibalekelela ukuba bagcine sebebona ngasolinye.
Osuke ekulesi simo kuyafuneka axhumane nomuntu amethembayo noma akhulume nomeluleki wezengqondo ngokuhlukunyezwa.
Nosuke ehlukumeza usizo angaluthola, oluzobheka izindlela ezizomlekelela abhekane nezinto eziyimbangela yengcindezi, akhiphe ukucasuka okungaphakathi.
Usizo angaluthola kwi: South African GBV Hotline: 0800 428 428 iTears Foundation: 010 590 5920 iPeople Opposed to Woman Abuse: 011 642 4345 iCommunity Intervention Centre Helpline: 082 821 3447 iFree Legal Advice on Whatsapp (LawForAll): 063 603 3759 iSuicide Helpline: 0800 567 567