‘He only came with a jacket’
n the heart of the province with the second highest rate of gang violence and the most bucket toilets lies Welkom. It’s a discreet Free State town, and one could easily pass by without thinking twice about it. In her home in Las Vegas, a community on the periphery of the town, Zanele shares her insights into the changing gender roles in her community.
“He only came with a jacket” she says is the term used for a man who does not provide for his home or family. “And he always leaves with only a jacket” she continues. It is a term one would not want to be labelled with, but it succinctly describes a common South African issue: men are struggling to find work, while employment of women is growing. It speaks of one’s need to survive but the inability to do so, and the traditional concept of the man being the sole provider for his family. The stress and humiliation that comes with this failure often leads to domestic violence as a last resort to regain power and control.
Zanele has been working as a Sonke Community Action Team member in her neighbourhood and spends her time holding participatory workshops on how to address gender inequality, gender-based violence and HIV. She also takes part in neighbourhood patrols to reduce the chance of crime on the streets. Sonke has been working closely with the Safer South Africa for Women and Children programme which, in response to the 2012 police report that recorded 64 514 sexual offences, has implemented national, provincial and community-based strategies to curb these shocking figures. Zanele works in the programme to raise awareness, generate behaviour change and develop community empowerment.
A bubbly character, I can imagine her engaging with members of her community well. Her husband works in Johannesburg as a plumber and, although they only see each other once a month, he provides well for her. Zanele seems content with their situation. The people who Zanele work with are not always as fortunate. In a time of few work opportunities, crime allows gangsters to arrive home with more than a jacket. It is a problematic dynamic, as children are starting to aspire to these men and their way of life. The glamour and wealth it provides appears to offer more guarantees than a matric certificate. But the material gains girlfriends of gangsters enjoy come with a price: they usually hand over all power and control to their men.
Zanele says when she asks these women why they stay with gangsters, who are by nature violent, they simply say: “The bruises are here now, but they are going to come off. He looks after me with clothes and money.”
This dominant notion of manhood and gender hierarchy is exactly what Sonke is trying to combat. Community work of this nature has its own dangers: last year, while pregnant, Zanele found herself involved a conflict while on a community patrol. The police were not present and the onlookers were not intervening, so she stepped in to try and stop the conflict. Zanele was almost killed, and the traumatic experience ended her unborn child’s life. It left her husband distraught and enraged. But with her counselling experience she managed to calm him down, and gain closure on the incident for both of them.
She decided to continue with her community work, as it is working towards creating a better living environment for the child they will one day have. It wasn’t an easy decision for her husband to accept, but he has. As Zanele reflects: “I don’t see myself as losing a child — I have gained a supportive husband, who can talk to me.”
Mandla Mbene, the founder of the Joyas support group for people living with HIV, aptly sums up how power relations in families compound the issue: “Gender-based violence comes into families when there are misunderstandings over who is the boss of the house. We see this a lot, because wives are now working as domestic workers and making more money than their husbands, so they expect to be the boss. Men are used to their wives being subservient to them, so they are threatened by the power they now hold.”
“The man is the boss” is a belief inherited from an outdated system. As Safer South Africa for Women and Children points out, the perversion of social power is one of the key drivers of violence and vulnerability in South Africa. And it seems the perversion of this power in any direction will prevent us from reaching gender equality.
Mbene’s frame is small. His clothes are clean, with extra holes punched into his belt to keep his pants up. He is serious when he talks. This is in contrast to the friendly laughter of Zanele that makes light of the harsh realities her community faces. These two characters couldn’t be more different in appearance, but share a common understanding of how we can prevent violence in our society. All everyone wants is to be heard and treated equally.