Man Magnum

Campfire Tales...

- by GREGOR WOODS

THE WARMTH OF the fire was slowly drawing the stiffness out of my bones. It had been a tiring, though amusing day in the Zambezi Valley. We’d had to abort two follow-ups of fresh buffalo spoor because we’d bumped into large herds of cow elephants with calves.

“Damn nuisance,” said Claude, frowning. “Oh… actually, I enjoyed it,” I said. “I love watching elephant calves at play. They’re such mischievou­s little buggers.” This drew a grinning nod from Rob Lowson, a Safety Officer for Zimbabwe Forestry who, accompanie­d by Aubrey Collins, had arrived at our main camp that afternoon for a visit. “That they certainly are,” smiled Rob, “and they grow up mischievou­s too. Tell them about JD, Aub.” “Naah… they probably wouldn’t believe it,” said Aubrey. Addressing Claude and me, Rob said, “Aubrey was a Parks ranger at Mana Pools during the 1960s – believe me, he’s seen it all and has no reason to tell bull-dust stories.” Turning to Aubrey, he said, “Come on, Aub, tell them.”

“Well,” began Aubrey, “a young bull at Mana Pools took to hanging around the main camp – human activity seemed to interest him. As time passed, he became a huge problem – we named him ‘JD’, short for Juvenile Delinquent. He was a menace. We even darted him and painted ‘JD’ in huge white letters on his bum so we could warn tourists to steer clear of him.”

Taking a swig of beer, Aubrey continued. “JD’S favourite prank was to visit the ablution block at night and use his trunk to disconnect the piping from the toilets! Without breaking anything, he adroitly lifted each one out of its junction, leaving a hell of a mess to sort out in the morning. Talk about mischievou­s! Another of JD’S party tricks was to pull up the guy-rope pegs of visitors’ tents, silently and efficientl­y, and then stand by and watch as the canvas collapsed onto the sleeping occupants.

“Well, after the exhaustive efforts of the ranger staff to keep JD away from the camp, he pushed off in a sulk and we neither saw nor heard of him for several weeks.” Aubrey took another sip while we waited expectantl­y.

“Then we began to receive complaints from visitors that fallen trees were blocking the main road into the camp. I was out on foot patrol one day, when I spotted JD at a distance. He hadn’t seen me, so I remained still and watched him. Presently, I heard the sound of an approachin­g vehicle. Immediatel­y, JD pulled down a tree and, lo and behold, as I watched, he dragged it onto the road and left it there. Then he withdrew and stood a little way off to watch the result!” We were all sniggering now, but then Aubrey got serious.

“Well, eventually the reports filtered through to Chief Ranger Mccarthy in Salisbury, who was ultimately responsibl­e for visitor safety, hence viewed it in a serious light. The final curtain came down when JD chose to pull one of his roadblock pranks on the daughter of Rhodesia’s Minister of Transport. JD stood by in full view, enjoying the show, and as daylight faded, the lady became frantic. Later that evening, on realising she had not come in, rangers went to look for her. When they rescued her she was a gibbering wreck. Of course, she complained to daddy, and I received the inevitable instructio­n that JD had to be destroyed.”

Claude shook his head sadly, getting up to add logs to the fire. “Fortunatel­y,” continued Aubrey, “before this could be carried out, I bumped into Rob Winters who ran a croc farm just downriver from the town settlement. I told him the sad story about JD. Rob listened very attentivel­y, and asked a number of questions about JD. Then he said, ‘Aubrey, you know how intelligen­t elephants are. Your young bull is simply bored. Let me take him off your hands. I know exactly what to do with him.’ I was delighted. So, JD’S relocation took place the following week.”

“What did Rob do with him?” I asked. “Well,” said Aubrey, “two months later I visited the croc farm and couldn’t believe my eyes. Rob had trained JD to haul big logs of Zambezi teak from the forest to his sawmill at the river. Later, when he saw his chainsaw man riding on JD’S back while hauling a log, Rob realised that JD was destined for greater things. So they trained JD to carry guests on game-viewing safaris. JD was entirely passive with the passengers, and actually learned to track and locate herds of antelope, and then stand perfectly still while his passengers took photos and enjoyed the sight. JD learned to understand and carry out sixty different instructio­ns, and thoroughly enjoyed every minute of his day.”

“Incredible!” said Claude. “So he just needed to be kept interested and occupied?”

Aubrey drained his glass. “Well,” he replied, “There may have been another factor. Rob had a second tame elephant at the croc farm whose company JD much enjoyed. Her name was Sally...

Readers are invited to share true humorous or intriguing short stories via our Campfire Tales column. Email mail@manmagnum.co.za for our (free) guidelines on how this works. – Editor

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