SIS NALEDI

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Q PREG­NANCY CHANGED EVERYTHNG

I am 25 and my boyfriend is 33. He has two chil­dren from pre­vi­ous re­la­tion­ships. We used to have a lot of fun be­fore I fell preg­nant. But now he does not sup­port me emo­tion­ally and fi­nan­cially. ANONY­MOUS, DURBAN

AFor you to keep the baby or not is your per­sonal choice be­cause at the end of the day, the re­al­ity is that you may end up rais­ing that baby alone. If you feel that you are not ready to sup­port and love a child, rather use con­tra­cep­tives to pre­vent preg­nancy. That should be your les­son for the fu­ture. For now, get sup­port from your fam­ily and do not put much hope on the boyfriend who has al­ready shown you lack of com­mit­ment to his re­spon­si­bil­i­ties.

Q I DON’T TRUST HIM

I’m a 23-year-old woman and have been dat­ing my boyfriend since last year. He has two chil­dren and a live-in part­ner. He is work­ing in Lim­popo, far from his fam­ily. I am al­ways with him. He keeps say­ing that he will marry me when the time is right, yet he never dis­cusses things with me to show that he is se­ri­ous about us. My prob­lem is that I don’t trust him be­cause he has a fam­ily. ANONY­MOUS, POLOK­WANE

AIt looks like there is no com­mit­ment from him and he doesn’t want to tell you that he has no in­ten­tions to have a long-term com­mit­ment with you. Why would you want to com­mit to some­one who has a fam­ily al­ready, un­less you tell me that you want to be his sec­ond wife?

Q DI­VORCED LOVER IS DIS­TANT

My boyfriend and I started dat­ing last year as he was go­ing through a di­vorce. Lately, he is so dis­tant even though he no longer lives with his ex-wife. He is cold to­wards me, yet he does not want me to move on with my life. Yes, part of me loves him, but an­other part of me says this is in­sane. ANONY­MOUS, WIT­BANK

AThe di­vorce process is an emo­tion­ally drain­ing and con­fus­ing jour­ney. You need to know that for you to sur­vive and hold on to that re­la­tion­ship will need a lot of un­der­stand­ing. But you must know when to draw the line too. Peo­ple han­dle di­vorce dif­fer­ently de­pend­ing on many things. The emo­tional tur­moil that one gets into may be very con­fus­ing or hurt­ing to the new part­ner. Let him get pro­fes­sional help rather than be the one who tries to help him.

Q SHE BE­TRAYED ME

I was in a re­la­tion­ship with my girl­friend for a year. Things were great be­tween us un­til I re­cently found her in bed with an­other man. I loved her so much that I wanted to marry her. I am so hurt. I want to for­get about her but it’s dif­fi­cult. What must I do? ANONY­MOUS, KEKANA GAR­DENS

AIt’s not easy to for­get about some­one you truly loved. Some­times the feel­ing of love never goes away be­cause you haven’t lost love for her but feel be­trayed. Dis­tanc­ing your­self from her and con­cen­trat­ing on other ar­eas of your life might help you for­get your pain.

Naledi Mqhayi is a clin­i­cal psy­chol­o­gist spe­cial­is­ing in re­la­tion­ships and fam­ily ther­apy. She holds a masters de­gree in clin­i­cal psy­chol­ogy from the Med­i­cal Univer­sity of South­ern Africa.

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