Q PREGNANCY CHANGED EVERYTHNG
I am 25 and my boyfriend is 33. He has two children from previous relationships. We used to have a lot of fun before I fell pregnant. But now he does not support me emotionally and financially. ANONYMOUS, DURBAN
AFor you to keep the baby or not is your personal choice because at the end of the day, the reality is that you may end up raising that baby alone. If you feel that you are not ready to support and love a child, rather use contraceptives to prevent pregnancy. That should be your lesson for the future. For now, get support from your family and do not put much hope on the boyfriend who has already shown you lack of commitment to his responsibilities.
Q I DON’T TRUST HIM
I’m a 23-year-old woman and have been dating my boyfriend since last year. He has two children and a live-in partner. He is working in Limpopo, far from his family. I am always with him. He keeps saying that he will marry me when the time is right, yet he never discusses things with me to show that he is serious about us. My problem is that I don’t trust him because he has a family. ANONYMOUS, POLOKWANE
AIt looks like there is no commitment from him and he doesn’t want to tell you that he has no intentions to have a long-term commitment with you. Why would you want to commit to someone who has a family already, unless you tell me that you want to be his second wife?
Q DIVORCED LOVER IS DISTANT
My boyfriend and I started dating last year as he was going through a divorce. Lately, he is so distant even though he no longer lives with his ex-wife. He is cold towards me, yet he does not want me to move on with my life. Yes, part of me loves him, but another part of me says this is insane. ANONYMOUS, WITBANK
AThe divorce process is an emotionally draining and confusing journey. You need to know that for you to survive and hold on to that relationship will need a lot of understanding. But you must know when to draw the line too. People handle divorce differently depending on many things. The emotional turmoil that one gets into may be very confusing or hurting to the new partner. Let him get professional help rather than be the one who tries to help him.
Q SHE BETRAYED ME
I was in a relationship with my girlfriend for a year. Things were great between us until I recently found her in bed with another man. I loved her so much that I wanted to marry her. I am so hurt. I want to forget about her but it’s difficult. What must I do? ANONYMOUS, KEKANA GARDENS
AIt’s not easy to forget about someone you truly loved. Sometimes the feeling of love never goes away because you haven’t lost love for her but feel betrayed. Distancing yourself from her and concentrating on other areas of your life might help you forget your pain.
Naledi Mqhayi is a clinical psychologist specialising in relationships and family therapy. She holds a masters degree in clinical psychology from the Medical University of Southern Africa.