SIS NALEDI

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QSHE WON’T DI­VORCE HER HUS­BAND

I am in a re­la­tion­ship with a mar­ried woman. I was also mar­ried but my ny­atsi pushed me into di­vorc­ing my wife. She promised that she would also di­vorce her hus­band so that we can be to­gether. But ev­ery­time I ask her about her prom­ise, she keeps telling me that the process of her di­vorce is tak­ing longer than ex­pected. It’s been five years and

I’m still wait­ing. I think that she is play­ing with my emo­tions be­cause I caught her cheat­ing on me and her hus­band with an­other man. What should I do?

ANONY­MOUS, POLOKWANE

AYou are de­scrib­ing the woman as some­one who is very care­less and dan­ger­ous. You need to fo­cus on your life and not al­low peo­ple to push you into mak­ing de­ci­sions you can­not live with. You are in charge of your own life and you can’t change or con­trol what that woman chooses to do with her life.

In a re­la­tion­ship, try to rea­son more rather than mak­ing de­ci­sions based on your emo­tions.

QMY WIFE DOESN’T RE­SPECT ME

I have been mar­ried for 18 years. Ev­ery time there is a mis­un­der­stand­ing be­tween me and my wife, she shouts at me in front of our chil­dren. I also found out that she was cheat­ing on me with an­other man and when I con­fronted her about it, she got so an­gry that she grabbed me by the shirt and threatened to beat me up.

She fur­ther threatened that she would walk out of our mar­riage and take half of my prov­i­dent fund with her. I now have doubts that the chil­dren are even mine. If DNA tests prove that these chil­dren are not mine, can I sue her be­cause I have been fi­nan­cially supporting the chil­dren? ANONY­MOUS, SOWETO

AYour mar­riage is in trou­ble and there seems to be no re­spect for the fam­ily unit. In or­der to reach this level, it’s a sign that the sit­u­a­tion has turned bad over time and was not at­tended to. You and your wife should both go for mar­i­tal coun­selling if you still want to save your mar­riage, or rather count your losses and leave peace­fully be­fore you are pro­voked into do­ing some­thing you might re­gret in the fu­ture.

It does not sound like there is love and re­spect in your re­la­tion­ship. You are rais­ing your kids in a de­struc­tive en­vi­ron­ment and that will af­fect them neg­a­tively.

QNOT AL­LOWED TO DATE

I am 25 years old and I have a child. My strict par­ents al­ways fight with me be­cause they don’t want me to date. They say that I am too young to have a boyfriend. What should I do? ANONY­MOUS, MAMELODI

AIt is in the na­ture of par­ents to want to shield their chil­dren from harm when they feel you can­not pro­tect your­self. How­ever, they need you to re­gain their trust.

Help them un­der­stand that you have grown and have learned from your mis­takes. Cre­ate an open re­la­tion­ship with your par­ents where you can ad­dress is­sues re­lat­ing to dat­ing and re­la­tion­ships. Hav­ing an open re­la­tion­ship with your par­ents helps in that they are able to know you bet­ter. In this way, they will be able to coach and guide you.

Naledi Mqhayi is a clin­i­cal psy­chol­o­gist spe­cial­is­ing in re­la­tion­ships and fam­ily ther­apy. She holds a masters de­gree in clin­i­cal psy­chol­ogy from the Med­i­cal Univer­sity of South­ern Africa.

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