QSHE WON’T DIVORCE HER HUSBAND
I am in a relationship with a married woman. I was also married but my nyatsi pushed me into divorcing my wife. She promised that she would also divorce her husband so that we can be together. But everytime I ask her about her promise, she keeps telling me that the process of her divorce is taking longer than expected. It’s been five years and
I’m still waiting. I think that she is playing with my emotions because I caught her cheating on me and her husband with another man. What should I do?
AYou are describing the woman as someone who is very careless and dangerous. You need to focus on your life and not allow people to push you into making decisions you cannot live with. You are in charge of your own life and you can’t change or control what that woman chooses to do with her life.
In a relationship, try to reason more rather than making decisions based on your emotions.
QMY WIFE DOESN’T RESPECT ME
I have been married for 18 years. Every time there is a misunderstanding between me and my wife, she shouts at me in front of our children. I also found out that she was cheating on me with another man and when I confronted her about it, she got so angry that she grabbed me by the shirt and threatened to beat me up.
She further threatened that she would walk out of our marriage and take half of my provident fund with her. I now have doubts that the children are even mine. If DNA tests prove that these children are not mine, can I sue her because I have been financially supporting the children? ANONYMOUS, SOWETO
AYour marriage is in trouble and there seems to be no respect for the family unit. In order to reach this level, it’s a sign that the situation has turned bad over time and was not attended to. You and your wife should both go for marital counselling if you still want to save your marriage, or rather count your losses and leave peacefully before you are provoked into doing something you might regret in the future.
It does not sound like there is love and respect in your relationship. You are raising your kids in a destructive environment and that will affect them negatively.
QNOT ALLOWED TO DATE
I am 25 years old and I have a child. My strict parents always fight with me because they don’t want me to date. They say that I am too young to have a boyfriend. What should I do? ANONYMOUS, MAMELODI
AIt is in the nature of parents to want to shield their children from harm when they feel you cannot protect yourself. However, they need you to regain their trust.
Help them understand that you have grown and have learned from your mistakes. Create an open relationship with your parents where you can address issues relating to dating and relationships. Having an open relationship with your parents helps in that they are able to know you better. In this way, they will be able to coach and guide you.
Naledi Mqhayi is a clinical psychologist specialising in relationships and family therapy. She holds a masters degree in clinical psychology from the Medical University of Southern Africa.