‘I SHARE MY HUS­BAND WITH MY LOVER’

A HUS­BAND and wife have told of how they came to share their bed with an­other man.

People (South Africa) - - Real Life Crime -

AHUSBAND and wife of 10 years have told of how they have come to share their bed with an­other man. Bella and Ken had been mar­ried five years and were rais­ing two young daugh­ters when Bella met Daniel at a party, and sparks flew. “At the end of the night I don’t know why but he was about to leave and we were say­ing good­bye, and I kissed him,” Bella, 34, says.

“I was like, ‘Okay, I’m mar­ried and I just kissed an­other mar­ried man.’ I was hav­ing very con­flicted feel­ings about it, but I wanted to do it again.” Though the col­lege sweet­hearts were strictly monog­a­mous, they dis­cussed ex­plor­ing hav­ing other part­ners and de­cided to get to know Daniel and his wife – who were in an open re­la­tion­ship – bet­ter.

“There was a lot of chem­istry and we were like ‘Maybe this is some­thing that we re­ally want to try,’” says Bella, “So we in­vited them over, we talked a cou­ple of times and we ended up all hav­ing sex, and we kind of went from there.”

Ken, 38, says, “It was a lot of ro­tat­ing pairs most of the time.”

But be­fore long cracks started to show in Daniel’s and his wife’s re­la­tion­ship.

Daniel, 33, says, “So she and I were to­gether for a long time, and we had prob­lems well be­fore

Bella and Ken came along. Un­for­tu­nately, some­thing that I think polyamory does very well is that it high­lights ev­ery­thing, and you end up talk­ing about things that might have been pushed un­der the rug pre­vi­ously.” In 2015, a year af­ter the four­some had their first en­counter, Daniel and his wife di­vorced, and the next step for Ken, Bella and Daniel seemed nat­u­ral to them. Bella says, “We were like ‘Okay, well you can live with us now!’” The newly formed throu­ple moved into a new, larger house to­gether, and set­tled into a king size bed that all three share, and es­tab­lished their three­way bed­room dy­namic.

“It’s usu­ally the two of us, or the two of them, gen­er­ally,” says Daniel, while Bella adds, “It’s ac­tu­ally not very of­ten that the three of us are to­gether sex­u­ally.”

Though, some­times, the two men will be­come in­ti­mate.

Daniel says, “It’s an uncom­mon thing. It’s like cake – you don’t have cake all the time.”

Two years ago, Ken be­came in­volved with Laura, his own girl­friend who also has two chil­dren.

“Laura is won­der­ful,” he says. “She’s not in­volved with Bella or Daniel. She and I are in­volved and that’s her at­tach­ment to us.”

Daniel works as a ma­gi­cian, and Bella joined him as his as­sis­tant, of­ten trav­el­ling out of state to per­form fire­han­dling as part of his act.

On jeal­ousy within poly re­la­tion­ships, the group swears by com­mu­ni­cat­ing their feel­ings.

“If you ig­nore it, it will breed re­sent­ment, and if you talk about it and you deal with it then maybe you can find the root cause and get past it,” says Ken.

“I don’t know if it’s harder, it just means we need to talk about things more than some­times you do when there is only one other per­son.”

As par­ents, when Daniel moved in, Bella and Ken had to ex­plain it to their then three- and four-year-old daugh­ters.

“They were re­ally happy with it,” says Ken, “And now they don’t re­mem­ber be­fore that. We share the re­spon­si­bil­i­ties of par­ent­ing – par­ent­ing to­gether in our own var­i­ous styles and on the same team.”

Bella says, “The girls were play­ing with one of their friends and the friend kind of re­marked to our lit­tle one say­ing ‘You have two dads and a mom,’ and she said, ‘Yeah, some peo­ple have two dads, and that’s okay.’”

Daniel says, “I never wanted to have chil­dren be­cause I al­ways wor­ried about my life­style be­ing too self­ish for chil­dren, like, that I would be trav­el­ling all over the place, and bring­ing kids with you is a big prob­lem, es­pe­cially when they are lit­tle.

So to have this sit­u­a­tion where I can love th­ese two girls and be a par­ent, but when I’m not there I know that they are taken care of and I’m not leav­ing one per­son at home to take care of all the du­ties, is re­ally nice and re­ally com­fort­ing.”

Bella and Ken’s daugh­ter Aure­lie, seven, says, “My favourite thing about my first dad is that he likes to write books and I like to write books, and the thing about my other dad is that I like to do magic and he does magic.”

Bella, her hus­band Ken and her boyfriend Daniel are par­ents to two her daugh­ters

Newspapers in English

Newspapers from South Africa

© PressReader. All rights reserved.