Celebrating family failures . . .

DRAMA, intrigue, suspense, emotional and moral conflict. It’s the stuff soap operas are made of. But it’s also the plot of many of our own lives.

The media has been abuzz recently with details of the Mandela family feud.

While Madiba is being treated in hospital, his family have been fighting about issues ranging from where the remains of his children should be buried, to who should have control of the multi-million rand Mandela artworks.

The gloves really came off this week when Madiba’s eldest grandson, Mandla Mandela, held a press conference where he lashed out at his aunt, questioned the paternity of two of his brothers, and claimed that his son was the product of an affair between his ex-wife and his brother.

While we watch this play out on a public platform, let’s not forget that such division and discord is not uncommon in our own households.

In fact, there’s sometimes so much drama, you would be forgiven for wanting to call your own press conference to set the record straight!

Instead of trying to diffuse the tension, we often see the mudslinging moving to social media like Facebook, where walls are littered with highly charged status updates.

The moral fibre of modern society has decayed and we seem to have lost the essence and value of family.

I have always believed that within family, someone will always have your back.

It’s a place of love, care, provision and protection. Most of us in Indian households have grown up in closeknit family circles, where uncles, aunts and cousins formed much of our support structure.

I recall as a university student, my aunt and uncle buying me text books.

The entire family was a source of encouragement to me all the way through to graduation, and even afterwards, in my career.

Will this spirit of love, care and concern fizzle out in this generation?

Will the love of money further divide our communities?

In the past it was normal for couples to take care of young people in their extended family, even to the extent of paying for their education.

But the spirit of Ubuntu has departed and personal selfish ambitions and ideals have crept in.

I recently heard of a 65-year-old man who didn’t speak to his sister for more than a decade because she did not attend a prayer service he had invited her to.

For years they avoided each other and the gap between the families widened.

The man finally visited his sister when he heard she had contracted a terminal illness. Nothing will replace that precious time lost by the siblings.

A simple, “I’m sorry,” or an unannounced visit to a relative will go a long way in breaking down walls that we have built.

This requires humility and acceptance from both parties, knowing that time lost can never be regained.

The most precious and valuable institution we have is family.

We should celebrate each other’s victories. Instead we find ourselves celebrating failure and despising each other’s success.

Respect, forgiveness and good communication should form the foundation of every relationship.

It’s not always easy, as good intentions can be misinterpreted, but the key lies in our approach and attitude. We need to choose our battles.

Family feuds have been around since the days of Shakespeare, when the tiff between the Montague and Capulet families stood in the way of the whirlwind romance of Romeo and Juliet.

Resolving issues quickly and maturely will ultimately result in less drama, stress and regret, and more love, laughs and treasured moments.

Melini Moses is a modern, career woman who lives in the real world and sees the bigger picture. email: melinimoses@yahoo.com Twitter: @melinimoses.

If you have experienced moral and emotional conflict in your family, Express Yourself by writing your message of love or regret in not more than 500 words to post@inl.co.za.