Deal with this issue with sensitivity

As a child, it may not have been possible for you to express these feelings to him, so just be sure you are not displacing them onto your wife. Think about any similarities and differences between your father's drinking and your wife's drinking.

When speaking to her, let her know what scares or upsets you about her drinking – is it simply behaviour you disapprove of, or are there real concerns? If you are concerned about her health, then let her know what you're afraid of.

Is there a change in her behaviour when she drinks? If this negatively impacts on her or anyone else in the family, bring this up as well.

If you're afraid that it may spiral out of control, let her know these fears.

Generally drinking can be considered problematic when it affects one's health, career, relationships or leads to aggressive or self-destructive behaviour. When you address them from a place of concern, you are less likely to come across as trying to control her.

She has mentioned to you that her glass of wine relaxes her.

You may want to discuss other relaxation strategies, including whether there is anything you could do to reduce her stress levels.

In a marriage it is important and healthy to collaborate and work as a partners in navigating through difficulties.

But the moment one feels criticised, one is also likely to become defensive.

If she chooses not to give up her drinking, is there a compromise that you both find acceptable? Ultimately she is the only one who can decide to change her behaviour. All you can do is show genuine concern and offer her support.

With most types of behaviour, a person is likely to make a change when they see the danger in their current behaviour and the benefits of changing. Remember a marriage is not a competition where one person is right and the other is wrong.

Rather work as a team to strengthen the union as a whole. As I say to most couples, it is important to reflect on your own behaviour and actions and often ask yourself whether what you are doing is nourishing or destroying your marriage.