He wants me to join the family business

Dear Rakhi, I am a 27-year-old female getting married at the end of this year. I have a good job where I am very comfortable and happy, but my fiancé wishes for me to quit my job and join his family business once we are married.

I know that this will not affect me financially, but I am worried that I may be giving up something I am happy with for something unknown. It does make sense that joining the family business would give me the flexibility once we have children, but what should I be taking into account in making my decision? Everyone seems to think that I'm very lucky to be given such an option. However, I am slightly anxious. IT'S natural to be anxious about making such an important life decision.

Marriage in itself is a major life transition, so changing jobs at the same time can mean adjusting simultaneously to two major changes.

I think it is important for you to reflect on the root of your anxieties. Leaving something that you are familiar with for something relatively unknown can be quite daunting.

Perhaps start by becoming familiar with his family business and what your work day is likely to entail. Then weigh the pros and cons of remaining in your own job or changing.

Another vital factor to consider is: how important is it to change jobs at the same time you marry? If you do decide to join the family business, it may be an idea to not coincide it with your marriage, so you do not have to make two major adjustments at the same time.

All relationships go through rough patches, so you need to consider at the outset how this will affect your working relationship. Getting married before deciding may provide the advantage of knowing how well the two of you work together.

If you manage to make decisions well together and run the household well together, you are more likely to work well together in the business.

If you do decide to join the business, ensure that there are clear boundaries between work and home. Refrain from discussing work matters at home or in your leisure time. Also try to get as much space as possible during working hours.

Maintain your own relationships with colleagues and spend your breaks as you do now at your current job. So, for example, if you currently spend some lunch breaks with friends, some with your fiancé and some running errands, then keep this as stable as possible.

It is important to cultivate your own interests so you have some time apart from each other. Avoid going into each others’ offices unnecessarily and try to keep personal matters away from work. This may be difficult, but it is important that you agree on this beforehand.

If there are personal conflicts, discuss them at home and do not let them impact on your working relationship. Although it is important to have good relationships with colleagues, avoid discussing personal issues about your marriage or seeking advice about marital issues from them.

Have a discussion about these and other relevant issues with your fiancé as soon as possible to assist you make the decision that you will be happiest with.

Also, consider the possibility of joining the company on a trial basis and agree that if it does not make you happy, then you have the freedom to work elsewhere.

This will also depend on how easy it’s to find a job in your field.

There are certainly many advantages, such as having a clearer understanding of each other's work frustrations, the ability to plan your daily routines etc.

So weigh the pros and cons and discuss any reservations so you can brainstorm together.

While it is natural to be anxious, embrace the changes and focus on the positive factors.