Slaves to cultural values
I FULLY endorse the sentiment of the letter entitled “Don’t demean widows” ( POST, July 23-27) by Rajmanikam Munisamy. We have become slaves to our own inventions and our traditional and cultural values need to be revisited, only so that they do not infringe upon the normal living of every individual. While norms and standards are important to societal structure and order, quite often these are destructive when viewed in relation to the individual. Munisamy is right – the so-called widows of society are often given short shrift treatment simply because of their circumstances. And to compound their woes, some unscrupulous priests use this as an opportunity to impose their so-called “knowledge” that is nothing more than man-made pagan beliefs that have no value in the real world. I am a firm believer that all those rituals and practices that diminish the value of a woman simply on the basis of her marital status must be removed. Among Hindus, there is this belief, especially at a wedding, when the husband is deceased that the wife (or widow) should not be allowed to make the symbolic offering of the daughter’s hand in marriage (kanya dhan ). What hogwash! Who are we to dictate to a mother what she is allowed to do and not do, irrespective of her marital circumstance? While the ritual referred to is a bitter-sweet event, it is that widow’s child who is marrying and nobody else’s and we have no right to interfere. Whatever the basis upon which such a belief was formulated, it is now antiquated and should be shown the door. Likewise, the many other practices that devalue a woman and prevent her from enjoying the rights of any other must be stopped. We view priests as reverent and knowledgeable and as such afford them the respect necessary to what is dictated by them in terms of ritualistic practices, but what happened a thousand years ago in a rural village in India has no bearing on how we live now and we should not be held captive by those beliefs. Priests are very adaptable and pliable. If you want a prayer to be done in an hour, or a wedding to be done in two hours, they can do it, unlike 50 years ago when these practices took many hours – so they can be convinced to see the practical aspects of this unfair treatment meted out to widows. The crux of my argument is simple: live and let live. The widow does not suddenly become a pariah and cede her rights as a human being simply because someone way back in the horse and carriage days decided that her infelicitous situation warranted some “punishment”.
NARENDH GANESH
Durban North