Love wins for mixed couple
LOVE conquers all – even race, religion and culture. That was the message from Bathabile and Dhiren Amirchand, who recently appeared on the television series Our Perfect Wedding on Mzanzi Magic.
Bathabile is 31, black, Christian and isiZulu-speaking, while Dhiren is 26, Indian and Hindispeaking.
Despite breaking up after dating for about a year, the Pietermaritzburg couple, who were miserable without each other, managed to patch things up and today have a 2-year-old daughter Keerthi, which means “Eternal Light”.
Through their story, they said, they hoped to convince other couples in inter-racial relationships to let love win.
“I have learnt not to secondguess myself any more, regardless of what others may say,” said Bathabile, who is in the IT field.
Dhiren, a sales representative, added: “And I’ve learnt not to worry about what others say or think. I’ve also learnt that if you are not willing to go for what you want, no one will hand it to you on a silver platter.”
Speaking about their journey, Bathabile said: “A friend invited me to a work function at Alexandra Park. I did not want to go because I would not know anyone and would feel uncomfortable. But a mutual friend convinced me to go.
“When I arrived, I was surprised at how many people were there. It was packed.
“My friends were trying for quite some time to find me someone, because I had been single for so long.
“So while there, Dhiren was pointed out. I’d never thought about dating an Indian guy before, so I didn’t put much into it.”
But their paths would soon cross.
Said Dhiren: “I saw her at the park and thought she was absolutely beautiful. I wanted to approach her but I was too scared.”
It started to drizzle and the party was moved to a nearby home.
That was when Dhiren mustered up the courage to approach Bathabile, who was standing alone.
Chatting
“I introduced myself and asked her why she was being anti-social. I didn’t expect to say that, but it just popped out of my mouth.”
Despite taken aback by this, they started chatting.
Bathabile said the conversation flowed until three the next morning.
“There was a kinship, like when you meet a person and you just click,” she said.
They exchanged contact numbers and made plans to meet again later that day.
By the third day, they were officially dating.
Bathabile was initially concerned about the five-year age difference as she had not dated a younger man before.
“I was also concerned because some people consider this (age difference) taboo.” To Dhiren, it was not a problem. They dated for about a year without their parents knowing about the relationship.
“In the Zulu culture, you cannot introduce your boyfriend to your parents. You can only do this when it is time for the lobola negotiations to start, so I did not introduce him to my father,” said Bathabile.
Dhiren said that although his friends and a few relatives met Bathabile, his mother did not know her race or cultural background.
But the direction the relationship was taking concerned Bathabile.
“Everything was exciting initially. It was running on emotion. But once things settled down, I began to have questions. We were from different races, cultures, and there was an age gap. How would things work out? I spoke to Dhiren and we decided to break up.”
He said: “I didn’t want to break up, but I wanted to make her happy and give her some space.”
For four months, both were miserable.
“It was like torture. I was miserable. I used to go to the gym and would lose track of time thinking of him,” Bathabile said.
The two eventually started communicating on WhatsApp after three months, and by the fourth month they decided to meet.
That is when they realised they could not live without each other.
The time had also come for Dhiren to introduce his girlfriend to his mother.
“I was nervous because I did not know how things would go, but it went surprisingly well,” said Bathabile. “His mother was warm and open minded. She told me she would rather have known who he was dating than hear it from other people.”
Dhiren said that today, both women got on like a house on fire.
Knowing their relationship would end in marriage, Dhiren knew it was time to meet Bathabile’s parents to start lobola negotiations.
In December 2011, he took a few work colleagues, who were black, to her parent’s home in Babanango, about five hours outside Pietermaritzburg. “I could not approach or speak to anyone in her family, so I ended up sitting in a marquee for almost an hour, while my friends spoke to her father and the elders.”
The two men then met and it was settled that a cash payment be made instead of Dhiren handing over livestock.
Six months later, Dhiren’s mother and sister met their future in-laws in Babanango and the payment was made.
A month later, in August 2013, Bathabile was pregnant with daughter Keerthi.
They eventually tied the knot on July 26 at the Salt Rock Hotel. They had a Christian wedding followed by a traditional Hindu ceremony.
Bathabile has since learnt the art of cooking Indian foods like mutton and vegetable breyani.
“The only thing I am struggling with is roti. But Dhiren’s mom has promised to buy me a thava,” she laughed.
She remained Christian, but at their home she follows the Hindu faith.
“I fast when I need to fast but I have not converted in any way.”
The couple said they hoped their story, which traversed race, culture and age, would inspired others to let love win.